I never really thought that I could be wanted by a boy. I saw the opposite sex as a buddy to joke around with or argue with until there was nothing to argue about anymore. I remember the first moment when I realized you liked me. I couldn't believe it! A boy likes me? That's just insane and didn't make sense but made perfect sense at the exact same time. You made me feel so special. It took about two weeks before we were spending every minute and second we could together. I was either at your house or you were either at mine, we were inseparable and that's when my connotation of love began to set in. I started to believe that love meant that being possessive was necessary and that criticism to my character was to help the relationship grow stronger. I started to become mesmerized by you and obsessive about if I was making you happy or if you were starting to lose interest. Now that I look back this is when I saw myself start to change into someone I didn't recognize anymore.

You became my life and I was perfectly okay with that. I would do absolutely everything I could just to be with you even if that meant blowing off friends or family outings. I couldn't stand being away from you because being with you meant that you loved me and wanted me still. That was my definition of love, a teeter-totter that never stayed in balance. I found love and purpose in you. You could do no wrong in my eyes even if you never did put me first or consider me at all I never saw it. I was in "love" and I saw my life as an utopia with you, you completed me. This completion led to myself morphing into someone I didn't recognize but it didn't matter. I started looking to you to see my self worth and my potential. Every decsion I made was based on you just so I could make you happy and feel what I felt for you. Soon it didn't matter if I did things that you liked because I didn't matter to you anymore, I was just another blip on your timeline. You were moving forward and it wasn't with me.

It's amazing what a text can do it can either brighten your day or ruin it in a millisecond. That night at 2am your text crushed me it sent my head in a whirlwind spin and there was nothing I could do to stop it because my one sense of security and stability was gone. I had completely lost myself, perhaps it was in that moment or maybe it was in the first time you told me that you loved me. Many sleepless and tear filled nights ensued after this heartbreak you gave me and there wasn't a thing I could do about it expect for get over it. When I take a step back and reflect on these past memories I feel so silly and naive because at the time I felt that no one else could love me like you.

I was so wrong. In fact I think it's when you finally released me is when I started to realize how love and relationships worked. In time people came into my life and showed me how love was not possessive and obsessive but instead was patient and gentle. I'm not going to say that you were a part of my life that I wish I didn't remember but instead I honestly believe that you did actually care for me truly at one point and that you were one of the major people who helped shape me into who I am today. I know have a better grasp on what relationships and love entail. What I'm trying to say is I believe that those moments with you were volatile to shaping me. Although things were shaky during our time I now see that I needed those shaky moments to become strong and independent. So cheers to you, I couldn't have realized how great love is without the help of you.