Love–something we all want but not everyone has. We desire to be loved, be in love, and to be worthy of love. We go through life, trying to figure out what the true meaning of love is and how it actually feels to be in love (or at least I do).

But, what I've learned from my 21 years of life is that there is a difference between loving someone and loving the idea of someone. I've went through different times in my life where I thought I was indeed "in love". It was great to think in the moment that I was part of a fairy-tale romance, but I'm at a point in my life now where I can see how not in love I truly was.

Let's go back to high school for a moment. I'm sure we all can think of someone instantly that we thought we loved from the moment we laid eyes on them. For me, it was one of the star athletes of the football team. He was cute, charming, and all the girls wanted him. He would talk to me at different times, and before too long, he'd forget I existed and move on. But, since I was so happy when he did remember my name and when he would actually text me, I thought I loved him. I really thought he was the one.

But guess what, I wasn't actually in love with him. (Shocker, right?) I loved the idea of him. I loved the idea of being the football player's girlfriend. I loved the idea of wearing his letterman jacket and wishing him good luck before the big game. I wanted so bad for him to want me back. That's not love. I just simply loved the idea of him.

My next example was at the stage in my life when I was leaving the nest and getting adjusted to life away from home. I had someone I left behind but was too scared to let go of. We had so much history, so I kept telling myself it would work out. The movies make long distance seem so much more romantic than it actually is– the guy suddenly shows up with roses at his girlfriend's doorstep after months of not seeing her. So, once again, I loved the idea of him. I loved the idea of having him come visit me and call me and tell me everyday why I was worth the distance. But, it didn't happen and we grew apart. I loved the idea of a long distance relationship but not actually being in one.

And finally comes the one that I feel hurt the worst. I was older. I was mature. I was not a naive, college freshmen anymore. I didn't see actually not being in love coming. I fell hard for him–really hard. He was the first guy I had met at college that I actually could picture having a serious relationship with. When we would hang out, I was on cloud nine. But I soon realized that he was leading me on and would never feel the same about me. That really hurt.

I spent all this time falling for the idea of him. I learned about his hopes and dreams. I laughed over his favorite memories and stories he shared with me. I noticed the way his eyes would light up when talking about something he was passionate about. When he smiled and his dimples showed, my heart would stop. But, it wasn't the same for him.

He didn't notice how my eyes would light up when he walked into a room or how I'd spend extra time doing my makeup just to impress him. Or, maybe he did notice and just didn't care. Either way, I learned from this that I was not in love with him. Once again, I loved the idea of him.

What I'm getting to is the point of how it's OK to think you're in love in the moment. We all do it. But what I've learned is that all of these heart-breaking experiences just lead us one step closer to finding the true love we want and deserve. One day you won't just be in love with the idea of someone, and you'll know right away that it's real.