I moved away and they took it all from me. Why couldn't I see what was truly in front of me? I only saw what he wanted me to see and he made me see me as useless. I couldn't go on without him, even though a portion of my brain didn't feel the same. I knew I could because I had. A broken heart was all I had ever known and this hit me like stone when they took my babies from the only home they had ever known. It tore my heart to shreds not being able to kiss them goodnight and put them in their beds, yet, the battle had just begun. Many months passed and I couldn't get up. No one called and I felt like a failure. Even though inside I knew I was doing all I could under the circumstances. 1000 miles from home and I didnt know this was how it would go. I left hoping for a better future. The thoughts that life would sky rocket and we could both be better. Our family as one and no one else mattered. Irrelevant that was seeing now I was torn and shattered left there alone, broken and battered, cold. Chest hot, hard, and full of fresh milk for my newborn twins who had been torn from my arms because I was blind to the fact of trusting him to act and all he acted on was drugs. Establish yourself they said. Got it, it was planted in my head. I got a job and two and three. I made a home for my babies and me. After sleepless nights on the clock and going home to a parking lot when the sun came up I was ready. I got together the money and paid the man, he even met me in the parking lot by the broken down car I was left with to rest my head until I signed his lease. Finally I felt like things were looking up it had been months and I had enough. All I had to do was get a job and a place to live but they didnt tell me about the fine print. Of course they have to make sure you can uphold everything and they said it would be a few more month. I missed work so much for repeated court hearing and pointless drug screens with chunks of hair taken from my head that I lost some pretty good jobs but I still maintained because for them, my babies, I would do anything! Six months in my apartment and I thought it would come to close but they tell me I have to take more classes. Why are they prolonging this? I even asked my case manager why they took my children instead of helping me into a shelter for victims of abuse and she retorted with "it will all be over soon and you have to start paying child support" and a smile. My babies need me they don't deserve this! It's been long enough dont you think? For christ sake Drake calls me by my first name! The system doesn't care, all they want is the money they make things more than what they really are and take from those who do care! Their father dropped out. No suprise there! My lease is up, so what now? I go month to month waiting to see the judge and he grants me custody he's been on edge, we both have. Nothing left for me to do for the past year except wait for these people to get on track and get their heads out of their asses or turn from their back. Do they even see the damage they've done? I get it! Lesson learned! Don't trust just anyone. Not even if they are the father of your three children.. Maybe even especially then. No one is on your side like you. Take care and remember to give. But don't give too much. Kindness can make you weak. I'm not a sheep, I'm a lioness; and out of all this disaster, all this mess, I found peace.

Note: toxic relationships can hurt more than just your mental health and well being, they can slice you open and let you get a little taste of what's inside of you. Also, guilty by association can tear your world apart in ways you wouldn't have ever thought possible and never take your shower for granted. I bet you've never thought about what you would do to wash up if you were homeless, have you?

I currently owe $2,350 dollars in child support (some of that accrued after custody was already granted back to me). As a single mother trying my best in a state I know nothing about, and working consistently to get my children back, they expected me to make enough to maintain my bills ($1,300), pay $440 a month in child support and $400 in gasoline to drive 100 miles once a week to see them where they were placed in foster care. Food pantries helped me eat because I couldnt afford to, I had to barrow money from friends, and I made little payments whenever I could. During my battle through reunification, I was assaulted at two different jobs because of the color of my skin. Sounds ridiculous, doesnt it? That's because it is ridiculous. No one should have to go to work and be put through occurances that make more problems on top of the ones they are already facing. I have written of the first occurance and will post it later. The second occurance, however, might take me a little while...as it is traumatic.

Best,

Molly Pierce

Instgram @Earthlylove1123