Dear Depression,
You're making it very hard for me to function today. My bed is so comfy and the world is so dark and cold. I know that you'll be whispering in my ear today. You keep telling me that if I just close my eyes and go back to sleep you'll leave me alone. That does sound very nice right now. I need to get motivated though. I'm trying to get through school you know. As if being a science major isn't hard enough, you have to be hassling me through this journey.
I wish that I could have one day where I don't have to try to drown out your voice with a medication that hurts me. My stomach disagrees with this certain type and food is the only comfort I can find some days. Unfortunately, as you know, I am in a dorm room with limited food and limited funds. This is unfortunate most nights when I don't want to take my medicine after diner, in case I get sick, and then don't have food later.
I'm getting tired of having to put on a fake smile. You make it so easy for me to just feel like a pit of emptiness. My body gets numb, and I know you know that, but it sucks. It feels as if I'm floating and yet the world is coming crushing down on me.
What is really annoying is what everyone thinks of me after I tell them you're around. I get looks and "oh this just got dark" so many times. Whenever I tell someone that I have to put up with you their sympathy isn't real. When I try to explain what you're doing to me they think that I'm going too deep and don't want to hear about it anymore. They start to look at me differently when I talk about you. As if I didn't feel alone already.
You make people's words feel so much more painful than they may be. You make it so easy to be extremely sensitive to what other people say. I don't think that anyone understands how sensitive I am. This is because you make me so numb that it doesn't hit me until way later. This makes it harder for me to determine if they were actually joking as well. The tears just become so much easier as time goes on. You make me so tired, and because I am that makes me extra sensitive. No one understands at all.
You have become such a household name lately. People toss your name around without realizing how terrible you actually are. "You're having a little bad day, it must be depression." Not being able to get out of bed, having no motivation, feeling numb, and not having the strength to even brush your teeth is depression. You would know, this is exactly what you do to me.
I'm not sure exactly when you came around, but I would love it if you would leave. I hate to say it, but I hate you. I don't want you around. I guess that there is a reason I am trying to conquer you. It's all in God's plan and all, but I'm really struggling here. If you could make life just a little easier for me though, that would be amazing.
Yours Truly,
Emily
