Depression is something that some people tend to take a little too lightly. Of course everyone has experienced depressed moments, days, and even months. But when you are diagnosed with clinical depression on top of other mental illnesses, things tend to be a bit different.

If you’re like me and experience extreme highs and lows, you know how terrifying and difficult life can be at times.

You hear things like “It’ll be okay.” “You’re fine.” “You’re overreacting.” “There are so many people who have it so much worse.” “Be grateful for what you have.” While all these things may be true, that does not mean that they will make anyone feel any better. Sometimes the only that helps is time, and that time can be anywhere from days to years.

When you struggle with depression, it does not mean you are always sad. In all honesty, I’m pretty sure the people who seem the happiest on the outside tend to deal with loads of depression all around them. They know what it’s like to be at rock bottom, to think life would be better if it was over, and they hope no one else has to feel that pain, they work their hardest to hope others know their worth it.

The hardest part, at least for me, is never knowing when a wave of depression will come. At times I can feel when a low is coming, but I never know when. The frustration creates even more anxiety. There are times when a small wave will come, I may just be irritable or on edge, but that is when I know that the storm is about to blow through. I never know exactly when, or how long or severe the wave will be, and that is the scariest part.

The waves come in different ways too. Sometimes it is expressed as sadness where I will hide myself away, spend time to myself, cry, and listen to sad music. Other times it is expressed as anger and irritability, I will snap at people constantly, punch walls, scream, and blame others for everything. Rarely it will even be seen as happiness, I will be laughing the most, cracking jokes left and right, and have loads of energy, but inside I am constantly thinking about what life would be like for others if I was out of the picture. Would it even change that much?

Some waves are more intense and severe than others, but I am thankful that I eventually get back to a high. I start thinking rationally again, but I always have a slight nagging feeling of it in the back of my mind, knowing it will come back in a full extreme again.

Some people don’t come back from the extreme lows, and sometimes these lows can lasts for years for people. Being depressed is normal, everyone experiences different versions of depression in their life and it is nothing to be ashamed of.