it's roughly 2 o'clock in the morning, and I still haven't gone to sleep yet. Why? Because I can't quit with the self-hatred and self-loathing at this moment. I still find myself horrendous, ugly, and horrible. I just want to end it all but I can't because I am a fucking coward. So instead I'll just cry and cry until I go to sleep.
It's roughly 8 in the morning, just now waking up... I will get up and get dressed. I will pick up the house and do a bit of cleaning all while preparing myself for my day. I'll soon start my day and make sure to put on the biggest possible smile, try and trick myself into being happy even though it never comes. I will leave for work soon enough. I will make sure to laugh at everyone's jokes and smile real big so no one knows I am suffering. I would hate for anyone to think of me any less.
It's roughly 6 or so and I am just getting home. My moms made dinner and its time to eat. We sit around the table and I make sure to smile and act real happy just to make sure she thinks I am happy and okay. Dinners over as quick as it came, and I am off to get ready for the night...
Its roughly 12 and I'm supposed to be sleeping but the cycle continues, I am still worthless, ugly, not worth it at all, I am a waste of space...
and so the cycle continues...
Next time you think about calling someone ugly or just being mean, just remember not all demons you can see. Some hide there demons so well you didn't know they had any until they pass away.
P.S The biggest smiles hide the worst demons