Dear Me,
Listen, I know you never discussed this with anyone because of how ashamed you felt. Because of that, I want to write this to you, to let all of it out and have everyone know that it is not easy being human sometimes.
I have noticed how much you break out crying every night, hoping that your life would get better. You beg God, the universe, your mind, to make that feeling stop. You feel like you are choking inside, and sometimes just want to disappear out of this world. But please hang on and never let go. I beg you. I realize that holding on hurts; but as you hold on, the other side will get tired and you will end up winning.
I know that at times you think the whole world is ought to get you. I know that wherever you go, you will feel isolated and like a loser. I cannot take that away because I know that depression possesses you. But I could say that even though you are inside that "bubble," there are people watching and protecting you from the outside. Trust me, people do love you, don't you ever dare think that you are a loser.
I know you miss enjoying life and smiling everyday. I want you to know that you are growing and all this is temporary. Those days will come though. That disorder changed you and others, of course it did. Don't stress, this is not you.
You lost your confidence because your depression made you think you were not good enough. You looked at yourself and cried because you thought you saw a monster. Sometimes you begged for attention, but that was because you needed it. You needed to feel like your two feet were still touching this earth. You needed to feel like you were human. Never feel ashamed for going through this.
At times I know that you cannot even write or speak your mind out. When people ask you what's wrong, you just say nothing because you don't know exactly what’s wrong, everything feels wrong!
This is life. Situations are thrown at you because you are a strong girl. Yes it is really hard. I know, it is terrible. But it is okay to cry. It is okay to scream, smile, laugh, frown, dance, sing. All of this is okay. As long as you are hanging on.
Michelle, I could go on and on about how bad that phase has been for you. I just want you to take a look at yourself and see how much you have changed. Look at you writing your heart out right now; not perfect, but still very hopeful. And hey, you laugh more often, you work harder, you are finding yourself. This journey may have one path, but it is a path with different colors throughout it. Be thankful and keep hanging on. Be bold because I see a future ahead of you.
I love you,
Me
