A Definitive Ranking Of The Songs On The Trolls Soundtrack

A Definitive Ranking Of The Songs On The Trolls Soundtrack

Hello darkness, my old friend.

My littlest brother got the Trolls soundtrack and a CD player for Christmas. Needless to say, we haven't stopped listening to the CD since he got it. I'm almost 21, and I know every word to every song on the Trolls soundtrack. Anyway...

The movie is actually really cute and has some decent people in it. Anna Kendrick and Justin Timberlake play the two main characters, and their animated chemistry is decent. Other big names like Gwen Stefani, Zooey Deschanel, Russel Brand and James Corden voice a few of the characters, too. Like I said, it's a cute movie, and the soundtrack fits it well! But on the hundredth listen through just the CD, I have a few opinions I'd like to voice.

With that being said, here's my official ranking of the songs from least listenable to almost decent:

13. "Hair Up"

This song bugs me to no end. Instead of saying "put your hands in the air," it says "put your hair in the air." WHY? I get it; it's a kid's movie and they're trying to be cute. Yes, trolls have tall hair.

But you know what else trolls have? HANDS. Please make this CD slightly more bearable to listen to and just... don't do stuff like that. I don't know why it bugs me, but it does.

12. "Hello"

Zooey Deschanel singing a Lionel Richie song is not something I thought I'd ever be subjected to, but here we are. This song is not one my favorites even when it's not being sung by Jess from New Girl, which earns it a spot at number 12.

11. "September"

Again, not one of my favorite songs to listen to in general, and it weirds me out to hear JT and Anna Kendrick sing it. It's cute in the movie, though, so it's not dead last.

10. "What U Workin' With?"

Oh boy, top ten. This song is an original by JT and Gwen Stefani-- not the best, but not the worst, either.

9. "I'm Comin' Out/ Mo' Money Mo' Problems"

This song is a stereotypical make-over scene. It fit well in the movie, so I'm giving it ninth place.

8. "They Don't Know"

Ariana Grande sings this song and, while I don't hate her voice, I can not understand a single word that woman says.

7. "True Colors"

This was a cute scene in the movie, so I dig this song. Otherwise, I probably wouldn't like it nearly as much.

6. "True Colors (Film Version)"

Wait... the other one wasn't the film version? I don't believe you, but alright.

They sound exactly the same. I didn't actually know there were two versions of this song on the soundtrack until I wrote this article.

5. "Move Your Feet/ D.A.N.C.E/ It's a Sunshine Day"

This is a cute little mashup! I find myself singing it all the time, usually against my will but it's fine. Not too bad, Trolls CD.

4. "Can't Stop The Feeling (Film Version)"

I love Anna Kendrick, but hearing she sings this song so gratingly that I just can't deal. It's a good song though, so I guess I'll give it fourth.

3. "Can't Stop The Feeling"

Oh look, another duplicate! This time, though, it's just JT. Good enough song but why, why why do we have to hear it twice?

Think of the parents and older siblings, Dreamworks.

2. "The Sound of Silence"

This is so high up for a few reasons:

1. This is just a great song in general.

2. This scene is hilarious. Really, it's not a bad movie.

1. "Get Back Up Again"

This is just Anna Kendrick, but it's super cute. It's got more musical theater aspects than the rest of the songs (probably why I like it, to be honest), and I find myself singing it all. the. time.

Well, there you have it folks; a definitive ranking of the songs on the Trolls CD. It's not all bad, but it's definitely not all good either. Take a listen... or don't.

Cover Image Credit: Vanity Fair

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To The Boy Who Will Love Me Next

If you can't understand these few things, leave before things get too involved

To the boy that will love me next, I need you to know and understand things about me and my past. The things I have been though not only have shaped the person I’ve become, but also sometimes controls my life. In the past I’ve been used, abused, and taken for granted, and I want something real this time. The guys before you were just boys; they didn’t know how to treat me until it was too late. They didn’t understand how to love me, until I broke my own heart. Before you truly decide to love me I want you to understand these things.

When I tell you something, please listen.

I’m my own person, I want to be loved a certain way. If I ask you to come over and watch movies with me please do it, if I ask for you to leave me alone for a few hours because it’s a girl’s night please do it. I don’t just say things to hear my own voice, I say things to you because it’s important to my life and the way I want to be loved. I’m not a needy person when it comes to being loved and cared for, but I do ask for you to do the small things that I am say.

Forgive my past.

My past is not a pretty brick road, it is a highway that has a bunch of potholes and cracks in it. I have a lot of baggage, and most of it you won’t understand. But don’t let my past decided whether you want to love me or not. My past has helped form who I am today, but it does not define who I am. My past experiences might try and make an appearance every once in a while, but I will not go back to that person I once was, I will not return to all that hurt I once went though. When I say those things, I’m telling the complete and honest truth. I relive my past every day, somethings haunt me and somethings are good reminds. But for you to love me, I need you to accept my past, present and future.

I’m just another bro to the other guys.

I have always hung out with boys, I don’t fit in with the girl groups. I have 10 close girlfriends, but the majority of my friends are guy, but don’t let this scare you. If I wanted to be with one of my guy friends I would already be with him, and if you haven’t noticed I don’t want them because I’m with you. I will not lose my friendships with all my guy friends to be able to stay with you. I will not cut off ties because you don’t like my guy friends. I have lost too many buddies because of my ex-boyfriends and I promised myself I wouldn’t do that again. If you don’t like how many guy friends I have you can leave now. Don’t bother trying to date me if you can accept the fact I’m just another bro.

I might be a badass, but I actually have a big heart.

To a lot of people I come off to be a very crazy and wild girl. I will agree I can be crazy and wild, but I’m more than that. I’m independent, caring, responsible, understanding, forgiving, and so such more type of woman. Many people think that I’m a badass because I don’t take any negatively from anyone. Just like we learned when we were younger, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all.” Most people can’t do that in today’s world, so I stick up for myself and my friends. I don’t care what anyone thinks about me, or their option on how I live my life. The only thing I care about is being able to make myself happy. Even though I’m an independent woman, understand that I do have a big heart. Honesty when I truly care for someone I will do just about anything they ask, but don’t take advantage of this. Once you take advantage of this part of me, all respect will be lost for you.

I’m hard to love.

Sometimes I want to be cuddle and get attention, and sometimes I don’t want you to talk to me for a couple hours. Sometimes I want you to take me out for a nice meal, but sometimes I want a home cooked meal. Every day is different for me, sometimes I change my mind every hour. My mood swings are terrible on certain days, and on those days you should probably just ignore me. I’m not easy to love, so you’ll either be willing to find a way to love me, or you’ll walk out like so many others have.

I’m scared.

I’m scared to love someone again. I’ve been hurt, heartbroken, and beat to the ground in my past relationships. I want to believe you are different, I want to hope things will truly work out, but every relationship has always ended up the same way. I’m scared to trust someone, put my whole heart into them, just to be left and heartbroken again. I sick and tired of putting my whole body and soul into someone for them to just leave when it is convenient for them. If you want to love me, understand it won’t be easy for me to love you back.

When “I’m done.”

When I say “I’m done” I honestly don’t mean that I’m done. When I say that it means I need and want you to fight for me, show me why you want to be with me. I need you to prove that I’m worth it and there’s no one else but me. If I was truly done, I would just walk away, and not come back. So if I ever tell you, “I’m done,” tell me all the reasons why I’m truly not done.

For the boy who will love me next, the work is cut out for you, you just have to be willing to do it. I’m not like other girls, I am my own person, and I will need to be treated as such. For the boy that will love me next, don’t bother with me unless you really want to be with me. I don’t have time to waste on you if you aren’t going to try and make something out of us. To the boy who will love me next, the last thing I would like to say is good luck, I have faith in you.

Cover Image Credit: Danielle Balint

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Severus Snape Is The Worst, And Here's Why

Albus Severus, sweetie, I'm so sorry...


I grew up being absolutely obsessed with the Harry Potter franchise. I read the books for the first time in second and third grade, then again in middle school, and for the third time in my last year of high school. Recently, I had a somewhat heated argument with a fellow fan of the books about Severus Snape. As I've reread the Harry Potter books, I've noticed that, although J.K. Rowling tried to give him a redemption arc, he only got worse because of it. Here's why I still think Severus Snape is the absolute worst.

His love for Lily Potter was actually really creepy. When I was younger and reading the books, I always found the fact that he held fast in his love for Lily to be very endearing, even noble. However, rereading it after going through a couple of relationships myself, I've come to realize that the way he pined over her was super creepy. It was understandable during his time at Hogwarts; he was bullied, and she was the only one who "understood" him. However, she showed zero interest, and if that didn't clue him into realizing that he should back off, her involvement with James Potter should have. She was married. He was pining after a married, happy woman. If he truly loved her, he would have realized how happy she was and backed off. Instead, he took it out on her orphan son and wallowed in bitterness and self-pity, which is creepy and extremely uncool. When a girl is kind to a boy during high school (or in this case, wizard school), it's not an open invitation for him to pine for her for the literal rest of his life and romanticizes the absolute @#$% out of her. It's just her being a decent person. Move on, Severus.

He verbally abused teenagers. One of the most shocking examples of this is in The Prisoner of Azkaban when Snape literally told Neville Longbottom that he would kill his beloved toad, Trevor if he got his Shrinking Potion wrong, and then punished him when he managed to make the potion correctly. Furthermore, poor Neville's boggart was literally Snape. The amount of emotional torture Neville must have been enduring from Snape to create this type of debilitating fear must have been almost unbearable, and even if Snape was simply trying to be a "tough" professor, there is no excuse for creating an atmosphere of hostility and fear like he did in his potions class for vulnerable students like Neville. In addition, he ruthlessly tormented Harry (the last living piece of Lily Potter, his supposed "true love," btw), and made fun of Hermione Granger's appearance. Sure, he might have had a terrible life. However, it's simply a mark of poor character to take it out on others, especially when the people you take it out on are your vulnerable students who have no power to stand up to you. Grow up.

He willingly joined a terrorist group and helped them perform genocide and reign over the wizarding world with terror tactics for a couple of decades. No explanation needed as to why this is terrible.

Despite the constant romanticization of his character, I will always see the core of Severus Snape, and that core is a bitter, slimy, genocidal, manipulative trash being. J.K. Rowling's attempt to redeem him only threw obsessive and controlling traits into the mix. Snape is the absolute worst, and romanticizing him only removes criticism of an insane man who just so happened to be capable of love (just like the vast majority of the rest of us). Thank you, next.

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