Where does your self worth lie? Is it in your G.P.A.? Is it in your expansive friend group? Is it you performance at work? Is it in social media? It is so easy to conform to what is considered the norms of our society while still feeling like a walking empty shell of a human being. As I find myself unable to sleep at night I picture what my life could have been with so many "if only..." and "what if's..." But I'm here to tell you that everyone at some point struggles with being content with themselves. With the expansive frontier of social media it is now easier to open up an app and subconsciously compare yourself to influencers or successful friends. But this is a front because they have struggles, too. I find myself forcing myself to close my apps when I start feeling this way. It's not healthy and I have recognized the impact the subtle scroll of a page can have.
I am a natural people-pleaser and if you know me, my family dog is my spirit animal (dogs like to please those around them for the most part). I want to not care what others think of me or how I am defined by society but I can't seem to motivate myself to do just that. I want to "toughen up" but words still sting. These words said about me easily fill my head and define how I see myself.
I will be candor here, I have made basically no new friends in my new town and am subpar at my entry-level job. I don't even make enough to support myself on, which I am privileged enough to be able to live with family during this transition. However, I cannot avoid the emptiness I feel when I look in the mirror at my life. Many of my friends are either seeming to live a successful life or are still finding themselves in college, a time to be vulnerable and lost still. Everything I thought I knew, my ambition, my future career, my goals fell through and I began to wander in an endless journey to my new life. I thought moving to a new city would help me find a new goal but it only changed the location of my emptiness.
It took my best friend telling me, "It's something that takes time. Set reminders in your phone that tell you, how wonderful you are doing. You are not stupid Christy, you have a bachelor'a degree and you are working on a masters, DO NOT let people treat you like you are [stupid]." Sometimes you just need to hear your worth from those you trust dearly. It's okay to have self-doubt but you need to eventually pick yourself back up and move forward.
So with this in mind, keep your solid friends close and relay to them how you feel. I AM enough, even if only a few see my value. Set reminders in your phone of words of encouragement that pop up to remind you how great you are. Keep a journal to write your thoughts and feelings down. It helped to get your frustrations out on paper. Go to the gym to blow off steam if you need to. Mental health is just important as physical health. You are enough, never let anyone away you of this. I've spent so many years thinking no one could feel this way about me when in reality that never mattered. It only matters how I perceive my self-image.
If you are a believer in Christ, remember to find your worth in Jesus and not things of this world. That is much easier said than done but it will eventually fill your soul. He died for you, even if you were the only human on earth He would do it again, for you. He mourns for the void created by these doubts and insecurities because He sees your worth when no one else does.
Psalm 139:14 says,
"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well."
