The moment I had to defend my cousin for choosing to transition into a woman was hard. I never thought I would have to defend him for choosing to live his life identifying as female instead of male.
I knew that my parents were old-school, and my dad is an open homophobe. He would purposely keep my brother away from my cousin as if he had a disease that my brother could catch.
From the beginning of his transition, I’m going to be honest and say that I wasn’t always in agreement with his change. It wasn’t because I was against transgenders or because I hate gay people. It was because of the way he chose to transition. The first time I saw him dressed in women’s clothing, the first thought I had was that he looked sick, as in health. It wasn’t that his appearance was sickening to me, but that he didn’t look okay. I felt that in his attempt to look feminine, he was hurting himself. He was skinny and he looked like he was trying to live up to an image of female beauty that even most women can’t achieve. My parents were there that day and it was awkward. My dad kept looking at him like there was something wrong with him. Had they not been there, that meeting would have gone so much better.
I wanted to embrace the change, but the fact that he didn’t look healthy didn’t fly with me. I didn’t say anything that day. I acted like normal around him, and my parents didn’t say anything either.
About two years or so have passed, and my cousin transitioned and changed his name. He had gone away for a while, and I hoped that being away from his religious mother and judgmental family would do him some good, and it did.
(cue the pronoun change)
She came back looking healthy and better than I expected. I was so excited to go to a family party when I found out she was going to be there. The problem was when it came to telling my mom that she was going to be there. We got into a small fight about her, and I could see where she was coming from with her argument about my cousin changing. She had helped her as she grew up since she was born, and when she found out what he was doing, she couldn’t accept it. She kept telling me that she was different and she wasn’t like she was before. She felt that who my cousin was before was completely lost.
It’s a common misconception that when someone changes their looks physically, the person they were before is completely thrown out the window. They are so different that you don’t know what they like anymore. They don’t have the same hobbies or favorite past times. This is wrong. Even though my cousin changed her appearance, she is still the ever fun-loving cousin from before. She loves to draw like always. She loves to cook and bake like always. She loves to love all of us like always.
I had an hour-long conversation over the phone with my mom, and in the end, I told her that it wasn’t fair to me and my siblings for them to try and keep us away from her. She was a part of our family, but just because she was different, we couldn’t see her. I was sad and hurt. I thought family was supposed to be with you through anything, but I guess that only works when what you need help with doesn’t go against what they believe.
I was so glad to see my cousin, and am happy to see her happy and healthy and loving her new life even after what her family put her through. I will be there for her through it all, and if anyone has a problem with that then they can just keep their thoughts to themselves. Because what they think won't affect the way I see my cousin.
My cousin’s story may be one of many, but they all face similar challenges along the way. They need support in some way or form, and I will be there for my cousin in any way I can.
Shout out to everyone who supports their friends or relatives who chose to change so they could be happy.
