Surrender. A beautiful, powerful thing.
It’s a lesson that God’s pressed more and more firmly into my life as He takes me more and more deeply into His story.
And these past couple of weeks have left me feeling… defeated.
Plans came crumbling down, things I thought I wanted were taken away, and my weary soul hung its head, tail between its legs, humiliated and weak.
“The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away;
may the name of the Lord be praised.” ~Job 1:21
Surrender sounds like such a powerful, “Christianese” word; we sing lyrics like these:
“I’ll stand with arms high and heart abandoned”
“Here’s my heart, Lord, take and seal it”
“All to Thee my blessed Saviour, I surrender all.”
And we sing them with power and victorious resolution.
But “to surrender” literally means to “give up” and “cease resisting.”
And in this past week, I discovered… surrender is defeat.
I literally felt defeated by Jesus.
We’ll come back to that, I promise. Now.
There’s a phrase a wise sage in my life throws at me quite a bit:
“Invest deeply, hold loosely.”
As I entered the zealous saga of pursing a student leadership opportunity, and opportunity that seemed so within reach, I strived to follow this advice. I gathered the right information, talked to the right people, asked the right questions, dismissed the discouragers, and fed on the affirmation from my community and excitement about the experience. God had led me into this, and I’d learn from it whether or not I was given the position He seemed to be bringing me to.
So I freely and forcefully ran forth, with a humble understanding that I could possibly lose the election, and the position would go to someone else. At that point, it would be in God’s hands.
But we never made it to that point.
Little did I know, God would instead take it right back out of my hands- much sooner than I expected. It took Him a bit of nudging and poking and prodding. I awoke the morning of campaign day feeling fearful and anxious, a feeling I've only experienced once before- and I knew it was the Holy Spirit sounding the alarm in my inmost being. Something was not right, and the direction I was headed in needed to change. Immediately.
Through unexpected tears, wordless prayer and silent crying out, His authority and firm direction were clear:
This was no longer the way in which to go.
But now? Why now?
The decision was made.
I heard voices deem me a coward.
The hearts that once supported, now criticized.
Several approached me, disappointed. Confused.
Still others reminded me it still could've been a good idea.
Had I simply lost the election, I could've avoided the humility and shame I let myself feel.
Why now, God? What's wrong with Your timing?
“But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day." ~2 Peter 3:8
In my wrestling and in my doubt, He confronted me with a challenge: what is His idea of success?
“Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor. “All this I will give you,” he said, “if you will bow down and worship me.”
Jesus said to him, “Away from me, Satan! For it is written: ‘Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.”
Then the devil left him, and angels came and attended him.” ~Matt 4:8-11
Satan offered Jesus, the Son of God, all the power, authority, and positions of influence any human can only dream of having in this world. But it's clear.
It's not our titles that matter, nor our status and power.
"Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship." ~Romans 12:1
This is the place not of power and prominence, but of sacrifice. But it's more than our external actions and duties:
"While Jesus was having dinner at Matthew’s house, many tax collectors and sinners came and ate with Him and His disciples. When the Pharisees saw this, they asked His disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?" On hearing this, Jesus said, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’ For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” ~Matthew 9:10-13 (emphasis mine).
And so I consider this demand for heart, as opposed to action, and the Lord (so patient and faithful) shows me what it means to become more like His Son. To follow in His footsteps, even if it leads into the desert. Even when it strips me of all I thought I wanted. Even when I'm confronted by voices that question my every move. Even when nothing makes sense. Even when it feels hopeless and confusing and when it absolutely breaks your heart.
Ruth, in her despair, chose the path that seemed more hopeless than her present circumstances. This, she did in faith.
Abraham, despite the apparent heartbreak of sacrificing his own (and only) son, obeyed the Father's command until He stopped the knife above Isaac's chest. This, he did in faith.
Peter so desperately longed to be with Jesus on the water that he boldly set foot on the rippling waves. This, he did in faith.
King David sings:
“His pleasure is not in the strength of the horse, nor his delight in the legs of the warrior; the Lord delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love." ~Psalm 147:10-11
This, he composed in faith.
Jeremiah, in his anguish and lament over the circumstances of his beloved people, pens:
“I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.”” ~Lamentations 3:19-24
This, he wrote in faith.
And Paul, in his letter to the Romans, urges them to remember:
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” ~Romans 8:28, 38-39
This, he, too, wrote in faith.
And I see all these followers of God that go before, and I'm encouraged. I'm challenged. I'm humbled. I'm hopeful.
And even when I don't understand the trials of life, when I feel absolutely defeated, I can confidently place my hope and faith in Him.
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross,scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." ~Hebrews 12:1-3
Take heart, friends.
Grace and peace,
K
