Last night I was in my lobby enjoying a Nintendo game station with a group of friends and as I tried to decide which of the four colors to make my Mario character, I was actually just avoiding some very big decisions I have to make in my near future. As a junior in college, one of these decisions is the ever looming “what am I going to do for the rest of my life” decision. (Shout out to Mom and Dad for waiting ever patiently for my definite answer!) Having to choose my next step out of a list of options can bring such an intense anxiety, and I think it’s because I understand that with each decision, I take another step toward my future. Not that I’m afraid of the future or that I don’t want to grow up, I’m honestly excited; what I believe I’m worried about though is making a “wrong” decision. I can’t help but think “what if this is a wrong step?” I guess never realized growing up and receiving the gift of having options would simultaneously bring a curse of having to choose between my options.
I was recently told that, on average, each person makes about 70 decisions a day. Do you know how many that adds up to in just one year? 25,500; that’s how many. I realize there are different degrees of decisions. But I mean let’s just start with the basics…
Favorite movie? I could list a handful of titles that come close, but I couldn’t decide on one.
Favorite song? I can tell you my top favorite from each of 5 genres, but I couldn’t narrow it down any further than that.
Favorite food? Please don’t joke like that.
Realize that while any one answer to any of these does not make up my whole character. However, it is the accumulation of decisions that does; the 70 decisions makes up your day, the 25,500 makes up your year, and they all eventually add up to make your life and reflect your character and values.. In light of this, think of how hard is it for me to make decisions concerning the rest of my life, or at least extended immediate future.
So lately I’ll admit I’ve been struggling with anxiety and have had a heavy heart about the topic of “my future,” but then grace hit me in one incredible question.
How big is your God?
Think about it.
Is your God big enough to move through a wrong decision you make? because the God I know threw down fire from heaven and set an offering, one that had been literally soaking in buckets and buckets of water, mightily ablaze.
Is your God big enough to love you when you mess up? Because the God I know moves from grace to grace and died on a cross, not just knowing the mistakes of the world, but for the mistakes of the world.
The God I know can take the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th best options and do incredible things and still work out his will.
The God I know is so big, so powerful, so loving, and surrounds us with his grace.
Right now that’s all I can focus on; being surrounded by his grace and mercy. Because then it’s okay if the decision I make isn’t the “best” decision; it can be redeemed by God if it’s not.
So what have I decided? I’ve decided to take each step in line with the Spirit, continue to love God and love others more and more every day, and respond to the call of cruciformity as to allow my life to be shaped by the cross, while knowing him and being known by him as he surrounds me with grace.
In this, I believe I am fulfilling his will for my life; any of the small choices the world asks I make, though important and necessary, will never hinder his plan, and I will not let these choices overwhelm me into forgetting the grace that surrounds me.
