Decision 2016: The New Face Of America
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Politics and Activism

Decision 2016: The New Face Of America

A not-so-typical look at this year's line-up.

Decision 2016: The New Face Of America

Unless you’ve been pulling a Patrick Star and living under a rock for the past year, you are probably aware that we have a presidential election coming up in the fall.

This election will be a monumental one, no matter who wins. If Clinton wins, she will be the first woman president. If Sanders wins, he will be the first Jewish president. If Cruz wins, he will be the Hispanic president. If Trump wins, he will be the first Oompa-Loompa to ever be elected to public office.

Since this election will be so monumental, American children will be studying it in their history books for generations to come, and image matters, even if the images are coming from decades before his or her presidential reign. Therefore, it is time to take a moment to focus on a very important, often overlooked (if the candidate is male) quality: the hotness factor of our Prez-to-be.

Looking back, we’ve had some downright studs as president. Take, for example, Rutherford B. Hayes. What is Rutherford B. Hayes famous for doing while in office? I bet if I asked you to name one policy he enacted, you would not be able to.

However, his legacy lives on through this famous photo.

More like Rutherford B. Hey How You Doin'.

Or what about FDR, especially back in his prime? I’d certainly strike up a New Deal with that handsome fellow.

Of course you can’t forget about ol' Reags. Well, the GOP never seems to be able to anyway. At Eureka college, Reagan’s alma mater, banners with this picture are everywhere. Let’s just say that I wouldn’t be able to focus too much on my studies if that’s where I attended college.

Best for last:

I can't even think of anything witty to say about JFK, only that is incredibly depressing to be falling in love with someone who died 40 years before I was born.

So how do our current candidates line up? They obviously have some big shoes to fill.

Bernie Sanders

I’m a sucker for a curly mop of hair, so I’m obviously biased, but young Bernie does have a bit of a hipster vibe here, especially in the glasses. Also, look at the passion in his eyes! Passion is always a plus in a relationship.

Hillary Clinton is confusing, because first you have...

who seems like poster child for a proper 1960s American youth, but then you have...

who seems like a rebellious seventies wild child. Hillary probably went through a phase in college. It happens; I got some piercings and dyed my hair black, so I completely understand.

Young Donald Trump

Something is off about this photo. It might be because his head looks too big for his body, or because despite the fact that he is blessed with youth in this photo, he still has his signature comb-over.

Or it might be the fact that he is inexplicably holding a dove. Why, Donald? Why?

I don’t know what I was expecting when I Googled “Young Ted Cruz,” but I was actually pleasantly surprised.

Cruz looks like that cute awkward guy from high school who blushes every time a girl makes eye contact with him. He even looks a little bit like Andrew Garfield. The only off-putting thing about this photo is the fact that his smile seems so forced. Maybe it’s because he is carrying a heavy weight in his conscience, possibly from being the Zodiac Killer?! Well, innocent until proven guilty, I suppose...

So no matter who you vote for in the caucuses or in the actual election later in the year, remember: your vote will impact the image of this nation for centuries to come. Choose wisely, friends.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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