The time old tale of learning how to give and recieve love.

The Decay Of Modern Love

Is it 'ask and you shall recieve' or should we not have to ask at all?


It took an impeccably beautiful and talented divorcee masseuse at The Gurneys Hotel in Newport, Rhode Island telling me about her love life to impress upon me one of the most critical lessons of my twenty years thus far. She didn't conceive the few words herself, but, it was her presentation that made them linger in the space between us: "You teach people how to love you".

Cue the eye rolls. I know, I trite, how common, how simple. Now don't get me wrong, if I would have read this message on a Kombucha bottle or on a fortune cookie I would certainly agree. However, this masseuse (who we will call Cindy), Cindy, somehow saw something of herself in me and as she listened to me complain about the shallow dating scene of our age, she understood.

There is no denying that technology and apps like Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge have changed so-called romantic interactions, perhaps diluting the charm of discovering the quirks of someone slowly and with purpose-yet, there is something timeless about Cindy's words of wisdom. I do still believe dating apps commoditize attraction, I do still use dating apps as my own cultural anthropology research method, and I do still believe in good old-fashioned love. But, even medieval romances written by female French poets emphasize the physical attraction that love sprouts from. What does this say about human nature, are we fated to find love primarily out of physical attraction and is this 'bad'?

It seems the issue stems back to our inherent animalistic tendencies. For evolutionary purposes there exists the survival instinct for human beings to reproduce, thus contributing to the conservation of the 'tribe'. There is also the human desire to seek pleasure...we could spend an entire lifetime exploring whether or not Freud's ideologies are valid and if Oedipus is a fraud. The point is, human sexuality is a fluid and complex thing and it is critical that one does not confuse lust with love or sex with romance.

To lust for someone is easy, especially in our sexually charged society that is chalk full of innuendos and taboo that plays with our puritan roots. It seems love requires the admirer to exercise self-control over lustful thoughts in order to show their loyalty and respect for the admired. This notion of love reflects the simple truth that often what is the highest path or most fulfilling avenue of action requires a degree of sacrifice.

It is "easy" to hookup on the first date if you find your suitor incredibly attractive, but sex that relies purely upon the superficial is not romance. I use my words carefully here so as not to offend those who do find fast-paced hookups non-problematic and conducive to a meaningful connection. I cannot speak for all, but, I do speak for many females that are fed up with the world of non-commital flings. For those of us who are deeply frustrated by being objectified, mislead, etc. the realm of romantic love is shrouded in complexity. I see the most beautiful, passionate, and intelligent women finding themselves in one-sided "non-relationships" that are unhealthy mind-f*cks.

Cindy told me she fell for a man who she had her family with and who loved her but not unconditionally. For Cindy, they had "made it" with a big house, great schools for their kids to attend, a Range Rover, and a house-cleaning service. The first few years of their marriage seemed to be a stepford dream, externally perfect yet internally deeply flawed. To Cindy their love would only become deeper with the adventures and challenges of parenthood, age, and all the experiences a family shares, but for her husband, age was a repellent that wore away at their flame.

Cindy told me she should have realized that she was playing his game, that she should have known that the material "Keeping Up With The Joneses'" mentality would transcend the car and house and become problematic in other aspects of their life together. Cindy told me that she should have married someone "sweet", someone who valued depth over an age-defined conception of beauty. She told me that although people wear masks, it actually is quite easy to distinguish the people in our lives who value our love in its authenticity rather than as a stroke for their ego or a balm for desire. Cindy said, "You teach people how to love you, so you better know what you deserve and when you teach them, they better listen."

Cindy is right. No more settling, no more making excuses for the disappointments, and no more time spent teaching people how to respect you. Let love come in and give it wholeheartedly in return to those who learn your love language.

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Henry McCabe: Unsolved Case

*I do not include pictures or videos of any crime scene or victim after their death. I find it very disrespectful to the victims and their families. Also, some people would feel uncomfortable or sickened by some of the visuals. If you would like to see pictures or videos, you can find them easily with a Google search. I also tend to avoid cases that involve young children. If it does involve a young child, a warning will be provided for the faint of heart.


If you have any information or tips for investigators, please call the Mounds View Police Department at their non-emergency phone number: (651) 484-9155 ~or~ the anonymous tip line: (763) 717-4061

If you would rather listen to the following information, check out Kendall Rae's YouTube video about it!

STRANGE VOICEMAIL? What Happened To Henry McCabe? Unsolved

Henry McCabe

Henry McCabe was born September 16th, 1984 and was 32 years old at the time of his murder. He lived in Mounds View, Minnesota with his wife, Kareen McCabe, of 11 years and his two children. He was an auditor for the state of Minnesota. Henry McCabe was last seen on September 6th, 2015 and his death occurred sometime in the early morning of September 7th.


On the night of Henry's disappearance, he and his two friends, Calvin Johnson and William Kennedy, decided to go out clubbing at Povlitzki's (a local club in Spring Lake Park, Minnesota) while Henry's wife and kids were staying with friends in California. According to his friends, Henry had been drinking a lot that night - which may be a factor in his death. Henry's friends reported that they took his wallet and keys to slow down his drinking and prevent him from getting behind the wheel. Some sources stated that Henry may have been dealing with depression and been behind on rent money and was drinking as a way to "deal" with those complications at the time.

For more background information, check out The Unexplained 2015 Death of Henry McCabe: Vanishes After Leaving Bizarre Voicemail, Found Drowned Two Months Later

What Happened?

Calvin Johnson reported seeing Henry leaving with William Kennedy at 1:40 a.m. and that he was going to take him home. William Kennedy reported that Henry McCabe asked to be dropped off at a SuperAmerica gas station at 2:00 a.m. The SuperAmerica gas station's security footage had not captured William dropping off Henry. It was later determined that William had gotten confused about the location and that he dropped Henry off at a Holiday gas station two miles away. Why would Henry's friend drop him off at 2:00 a.m. with no keys or wallet while heavily intoxicated? Around 2:30 a.m., Henry McCabe called his brother and left a voicemail of weird groaning/growling sounds and crying. There is no recording of this voicemail. Henry also attempted to contact his wife, Kareen, at this time. Henry's contact with his wife is unclear and varies between sources. Some sources claim that his wife actually answered the phone and that Henry claimed he had been shot, while others don't mention this claim. For more information regarding the claim that there was a phone call between Henry and his wife, check out Mysterious Death Of Henry McCabe. It is also mentioned that Kareen claimed that there were the same weird groaning/growling sounds that had been left on his brother's voicemail during their call and that the call ended with someone yelling "Stop it!" On the other hand, some sources never mention a phone call, but they do mention that there was a voicemail left on his wife's phone. This voicemail also contains the same groaning/growling sounds originally left on Henry's brother's voicemail. For more information regarding the voicemail left on Kareen's phone, check out Eerie Voice Mail Captures One Man's Last Moments On Earth - And It Might Be Supernatural In Origin. There is a snip of it here: Henry McCabe's Voicemail. Many people question what these sounds were. There was no forest where Henry's body was found, so that eliminates the possibility of a bear or wolf. Some people believe that he made calls because he knew he was in trouble and needed help, while others believe they were accidental "butt-dials". After the calls and voicemails, Henry's phone disconnected and hasn't been turned on since. That was the last time anyone heard from Henry McCabe.

Minnesota Community Police Department

The Minnesota Community Police Department was very heavily involved in this case at the beginning. They are an organization that helps people with cases like these which at the time was a missing person case. They specifically work with the Liberian community and raised $10,000 as reward money for whoever found Henry. A month later, they pulled the reward because they were accusing Henry's wife, Kareen, of withholding information from investigators.

"She is purposefully withholding information and that we believe could lead to the location and recovery of Henry McCabe. We feel like we have all been misled. We have an ethical and moral obligation to the community and to this organization to do the right thing."

- David Singleton, leader of the organization

For more information regarding the Minnesota Community Police Department pulling the reward, check out Group pulls $10K reward for missing man.

Two Months Later

On November 2nd, Henry's body found. His body was found face down in the water in Rush Lake by a kayaker. This location was six miles from where he was last dropped off, and in the opposite direction of his house. Many people wonder, how did he get there? There were no streams for his body to float down and the location was far away from major roads. The coroner declared that it was an accidental drowning because there were no injuries to the body. No scratches, bruises, or the bullet hole that Henry claimed there would be on the alleged phone call with his wife. To add to the suspicions, the FBI got involved with this case. The police and FBI are possibly holding information from the public because it's an active investigation. Also, why would the FBI get involved in an "accidental drowning"?


Theory #1: The Smiley Face Killers

The Smiley Face Killers are a group of serial killers who (typically) take college age boys who are heavily intoxicated and waterboard them in the back of trucks. They tend to leave their victims in the water to make them look like a drowning victim and to wash away and key evidence that may be left on the body.

Waterboarding: "(n.) an interrogation technique simulating the experience of drowning, in which a person is strapped, face up, to a board that slopes downward at the head, while large quantities of water are poured over the face into the breathing passages."

Theory #2: The Liberian Civil War

Henry McCabe moved to America to escape the violence of the Liberian Civil War, which he lived during for 14 years before fleeing. "They've done it for years; we need to find out what happened."Lovetta Tugbeh said of some Liberians who have immigrated to the U.S. This would explain the FBI involvement in the case. Henry's mother felt that her son was sacrificed in a Liberian ritual, possibly associated with the Liberian Civil War.

For more information regarding the possible ties to the Liberian Civil War, check out Body found in lake is missing Mounds View man Henry McCabe.

Theory #3: Date-Rape Drugs

There is a possibility that Henry McCabe actually did drown. At the club, somebody might have dropped something in Henry's drink, making him completely impaired as the night went on. But this still leaves people wondering how he ended up in a lake. His family also claims that he knew how to swim.

*If you have any suggestions you can contact me via:

Instagram – @crime.and.comedy ~OR~ @chienneherman

Email –

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Everyone in the world, has an individual dream. Whether it be their life dream, their dream vacation, their dream job, their dream family, their dream partner in life, their forever dream. Dreams are what drive us to be the best people we can be. Chase the stars. Here is a poem to remind everyone to never forget their dreams....



"Hold fast to dreams

For if dreams die

Life is a broken-winged bird

That cannot fly.

Hold fast to dreams

For when dreams go

Life is a barren field

Frozen with snow"

By: Langston Hughes

Dreams are what keep me going everyday. The dream of my life. The dream to live where I want. The dream to do what I want. The dream to conquer the world. The dream to succeed. The dream to be happy in my own life.

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