The Decay Of Modern Love

The Decay Of Modern Love

Is it 'ask and you shall recieve' or should we not have to ask at all?

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It took an impeccably beautiful and talented divorcee masseuse at The Gurneys Hotel in Newport, Rhode Island telling me about her love life to impress upon me one of the most critical lessons of my twenty years thus far. She didn't conceive the few words herself, but, it was her presentation that made them linger in the space between us: "You teach people how to love you".

Cue the eye rolls. I know, I know...how trite, how common, how simple. Now don't get me wrong, if I would have read this message on a Kombucha bottle or on a fortune cookie I would certainly agree. However, this masseuse (who we will call Cindy), Cindy, somehow saw something of herself in me and as she listened to me complain about the shallow dating scene of our age, she understood.

There is no denying that technology and apps like Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge have changed so-called romantic interactions, perhaps diluting the charm of discovering the quirks of someone slowly and with purpose-yet, there is something timeless about Cindy's words of wisdom. I do still believe dating apps commoditize attraction, I do still use dating apps as my own cultural anthropology research method, and I do still believe in good old-fashioned love. But, even medieval romances written by female French poets emphasize the physical attraction that love sprouts from. What does this say about human nature, are we fated to find love primarily out of physical attraction and is this 'bad'?

It seems the issue stems back to our inherent animalistic tendencies. For evolutionary purposes there exists the survival instinct for human beings to reproduce, thus contributing to the conservation of the 'tribe'. There is also the human desire to seek pleasure...we could spend an entire lifetime exploring whether or not Freud's ideologies are valid and if Oedipus is a fraud. The point is, human sexuality is a fluid and complex thing and it is critical that one does not confuse lust with love or sex with romance.

To lust for someone is easy, especially in our sexually charged society that is chalk full of innuendos and taboo that plays with our puritan roots. It seems love requires the admirer to exercise self-control over lustful thoughts in order to show their loyalty and respect for the admired. This notion of love reflects the simple truth that often what is the highest path or most fulfilling avenue of action requires a degree of sacrifice.

It is "easy" to hookup on the first date if you find your suitor incredibly attractive, but sex that relies purely upon the superficial is not romance. I use my words carefully here so as not to offend those who do find fast-paced hookups non-problematic and conducive to a meaningful connection. I cannot speak for all, but, I do speak for many females that are fed up with the world of non-commital flings. For those of us who are deeply frustrated by being objectified, mislead, etc. the realm of romantic love is shrouded in complexity. I see the most beautiful, passionate, and intelligent women finding themselves in one-sided "non-relationships" that are unhealthy mind-f*cks.

Cindy told me she fell for a man who she had her family with and who loved her but not unconditionally. For Cindy, they had "made it" with a big house, great schools for their kids to attend, a Range Rover, and a house-cleaning service. The first few years of their marriage seemed to be a stepford dream, externally perfect yet internally deeply flawed. To Cindy their love would only become deeper with the adventures and challenges of parenthood, age, and all the experiences a family shares, but for her husband, age was a repellent that wore away at their flame.

Cindy told me she should have realized that she was playing his game, that she should have known that the material "Keeping Up With The Joneses'" mentality would transcend the car and house and become problematic in other aspects of their life together. Cindy told me that she should have married someone "sweet", someone who valued depth over an age-defined conception of beauty. She told me that although people wear masks, it actually is quite easy to distinguish the people in our lives who value our love in its authenticity rather than as a stroke for their ego or a balm for desire. Cindy said, "You teach people how to love you, so you better know what you deserve and when you teach them, they better listen."

Cindy is right. No more settling, no more making excuses for the disappointments, and no more time spent teaching people how to respect you. Let love come in and give it wholeheartedly in return to those who learn your love language.

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10 Fun Facts About Animals That Will 100% Make Your Day

A little animal pick-me-up.

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The beautiful world that we live in is filled with so many different animals that are all unique and special. There's something to learn from each living creature on our Earth. Here are some facts about animals that will surely make you smile and maybe give you the pick up that you need!

1. 3% of the ice in Antarctica is made of penguin urine

Penguins really make their mark.

2. Dolphins name their friends

Dolphins associate a sound to each of their friends.

3. Cows love to listen to music

Cows have been shown to produce more milk when listening to slow music.

4. And they have best friends

They get stressed out when their best friend is not with them.

5. Honeybees know how to dance

They dance to survive and tell fellow honeybees where the flowers are.

6. Rats like to be tickled

Rats laugh when tickled. Who doesn't like to be tickled?

7. Squirrels will adopt orphans

If baby squirrels are left abandoned, fellow squirrels will take them in.

8. Elephants self-soothe

We all need some self love.

9. Worms want companionship and with companions snuggle

We all love to snuggle, even worms.

10. Quokka's can smile

I think I found my new favorite animal.

Hopefully, these facts about animals make you feel warm and fuzzy. Have a great day.

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A New Years Resolution Must PART 2

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**If you haven't read, A New Years Resolution Must, I wouldd take a peek at that real quick before you get too into this because it will make MUCH more sense :)

Quick thought before I get to the main point of my article:

I really really enjoyed the 25 Days of Kindness Cards and I definitely want to do something similar again in some way shape or form. I have not decided yet but in scrolling through some of the older articles I've written, I remembered what I wrote this past year for Lent. In 10 Things To Give Up For Lent Other Than That Favorite Candy Bar, I talked about writing letters to different people. My original plan was to write 40 letters, one for each day of Lent. It failed miserably. 40 is a lot! But I definitely think approaching that in the same way I wrote the 25 Days of Kindness Cards will be a better way to spend some time in reflection, not just during Lent, but during any point of the year. You don't just have to write a letter. You can just send the little quotes of kindness. Leave them in random people's mailboxes or slip them under a door or leave them on a bus seat or a park bench. You never know who'll need it.

NOT THAT LENT IS ANYTIME SOON... I don't want to rush the seasons. Just a thought or two to get you thinking if you were considering taking on something like this. Or maybe to get you thinking :)

Okay, now to the real point:

In keeping with the theme of my last article-spreading little bits of kindness all over-I wanted to share with everyone the 18 different kindness quotes that I put in each of the 25 Days of Kindness Cards. Like I said in the little blerb before, you don't even have to write a letter. Print these out and spread them out in your dorm building, across campus, or any other place you can think of. Save them and text a different one to a different person each day. Maybe these will be the few that get you going on your small acts of kindness journey!

How do we change the world? "One random act of kindness at a time"

Surprising Effects Of Kindness

www.pinterest.com

You will never regret being kind

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/306948530850892994/

May every word that is ever spoken by our mouths or typed by our fingers be words that lift up and never words that tear down

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/306948530850892996/

Be good to people. You will be remembered more for your kindness than any level of success you could possibly attain. 

https://www.flickr.com/photos/deeplifequotes/15993...

Kindness begins with me

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/2d/ca/8a/2dca8acbe2f7aaccb6379f7a6baf7a42.jpg

Kindness is like snow-It beautifies everything it covers. 

https://i.pinimg.com/564x/98/9d/d8/989dd809800b3a37869367b4f9d2e41d.jpg

Do small things with great love.  (Couldn't not put this one in there :) ) 

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/306948530850862792/

Kindness is not an act. It is a lifestyle. 

https://i.pinimg.com/564x/ab/ca/58/abca584fc0296c7cfd13501585943b7b.jpg

Sometimes it takes only one act of kindness and caring to change a person's life. 

https://i.pinimg.com/564x/c9/cc/c1/c9ccc17dc16912a356473f1b3c677746.jpg

One kind word can change someone's entire day

https://i.pinimg.com/564x/60/39/a1/6039a18e84f8643139245f0af20aa2cb.jpg

Kindness is free. Sprinkle that stuff everywhere. 

https://i.pinimg.com/564x/63/7e/a6/637ea6ab3ebcf90235d3bae2fda557bd.jpg

Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless. 

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/306948530850862762/

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. 

https://i.pinimg.com/564x/87/a9/22/87a9222907215e23b4dd153a1202e291.jpg

Be silly. Be honest. BE KIND. 

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/306948530850862690/

Be the reason someone smiles today. 

https://i.pinimg.com/564x/b1/dc/30/b1dc30649ba914bbcd3b3e82d68142eb.jpg

A single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions. And the roots spring up and make new trees.

https://i.pinimg.com/564x/db/12/54/db12547bc66e9ad2a0029631bf2d2f5e.jpg

You never know what light you might spark in others just through your kindness and your example. 

https://i.pinimg.com/564x/63/17/95/63179520054721362b5db888fc254311.jpg

I found it is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay... small acts of kindness and love. 

https://i.pinimg.com/564x/c8/d7/36/c8d736533a4e36664dd58e40ef73fedb.jpg

Be somebody who makes everybody feel like a somebody.

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/227150374940106672/

Choose kind over cool. 

https://i.pinimg.com/564x/f9/09/fa/f909fa50632eb6cf61ab889da8ebf1a1.jpg

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