Depression in the 21st century is the most complex of things. Despite so much progression in the world, many people aren't willing to accept the existence of depression, or the fact that the number of people suffering from it is rising steadily. People talk about depression like it's something to laugh and to joke about. The concept of someone feeling physically upset all the time feels ludicrous, it doesn't sound real. From one depressed teen to, I'm sure, thousands, I'm here to say you're not alone.

I was resistant for so long. I didn't want to be depressed, no one does. Coming to terms with the fact that this unending feeling of sinking might mean I had a mental disorder was worrying. I didn't seek help until I started having suicidal thoughts -- a fact that I feel ashamed to admit. But, after seeing a therapist and taking medication, the sinking feels less overwhelming and I'm grateful for all the days I manage to live through. Every day, I wake up feeling lucky to be alive. There's so much darkness in this world, but there's also so much light.

For me, depression is sinking. I feel like I'm being pulled deeper and deeper within myself and there's not a thing I can do to stop the feeling. The water is dark and the bottom is uncertain and the thought of death comes more as a logical suggestion than an ultimate end.

But, as the title of this article suggests, wanting to die isn't the same as dying. This, I feel, is the hardest pill for non-depressed people to swallow. I have no intention of killing myself, the idea of committing such a final act is impossible for me to wrap my mind around. I can, though, understand why people commit suicide. The sinking, for some, is too much and the emotional pain is unbearable. It's not permanent, though. The good thing about having suicidal thoughts (a sentence I'd never thought I'd write) is that they're just that, thoughts. They can feel consuming. They can appear to swallow you whole and darken your whole day, but they can be drowned out.

You can seek help. You should seek help. September was Suicide Awareness and Prevention Month for a reason --- a number of suicides can spike during this particularly difficult month. I urge you to seek help if you're feeling down. Call your local free suicide hotline, get a therapist, talk to a doctor, tell a friend, go to the hospital, do whatever you feel comfortable doing. At the end of the day, every day you have is unique and special and you can't know what lies ahead but you can stay alive to see for yourself.