No matter who you are or how many years you've lived, death sucks. Oh my, it sucks. The phone call, text, or email breaking the news. Those couple moments or maybe hours of shock that follow. The numbness in trying to make sense of a valued life ceasing to exist.
Since August I've experienced this series of events three times, most recently Saturday afternoon. Death is painful and there is a part of me that feels empty knowing people I love are gone. But each time I've learned something new.
1) Grief is universal. People from around the world will experience death on a daily basis; it's a sad and unwelcome part of life. No one is ever alone in their experience. I can sit down for coffee with a stranger and they will most likely be able to relate. The grieving process looks different depending on the person, but humanity is united in our understanding of death.
2) It may take months to fully grieve. One of my best friends lost his father in June. His dad was like another dad to me. I thought that going to the funeral and processing his death through writing meant that I'd finished grieving. Wow, no! One night in October while doing homework I burst into tears because it finally fully hit me that I would never get to hug him again. My heart felt like it was breaking into two pieces. And you know what? That midnight cry session brought peace that I needed.
3) Embracing the pain helps. A natural instinct to negativity is running away and avoiding what hurts. In the moment, it's easier. You may not feel like you have the time to grieve or deal with overwhelming emotions, or you may feel like you have to be strong for other people. These feelings are understandable and valid, however they actually inhibit the grieving process. Standing face to face with grief and fully experiencing negative emotions early on will help you come to terms with loss. It will enable you to release anger, sadness and bitterness so they don't build up to explode later.
If you are in the midst of mourning someone you love, I'm sorry. I understand. I pray you show yourself patience and kindness. I pray you find love and peace in those around you. Death sucks. But it won't win.
In memory of Jerry Barboza, Kathy LaDuca and Polly Say. May your memories be a blessing.
