I recently went to go visit my family; five hundred and sixty miles and ten hours later, I was in New Castle, Indiana surrounded by cornfields, cows, a couple of antique stores, and a limited population. The semester is coming to an end, so it is complete madness in my classes, however, when my mother called me a few weeks ago telling me my grandmother has been admitted to hospice care frightened me so I had to go visit during this crucial time in her life.
Seeing my grandmother in an altered state was, to say the least, difficult. This once spunky woman that was full of life has been minimized to an oxygen mask that has to remain constantly with her and a cane that supports her walking.
During this time, I put my big girl smile on and tried to let it be known that I understood exactly what was going on. I stayed strong during the entire visit, for her and for my mother. It truly hit me the severity of it all when it dawned on me that this was my mother losing her mother. I forced myself to view this situation from my mother's perspective.
I've been fortunate to never lose a parent, but my father has lost both. I was very young when his father died, and I was twenty-three when his mother died. It was a rough time seeing my dad go through the turmoil of losing his mother. At the funeral, that's when all of the chaos hit me; my dad has been selfless for me my entire life it was my turn to be there for him. I shed my tears away from him.
During this visit, I again set aside my fears of losing a grandparent during this visit and was there for my mother. I took her out of the elements of caretaking and tried to make her smile. I stayed strong for her just so she knew she could focus on herself and not have to console her daughter.
I got a hundred miles down the road towards home back to Georgia and that's when I chose to mourn my grandmother's fate. It was difficult to stay strong, but I also felt proud. My family has taught me to be a strong and independent woman and during this tough time, that is who I have been.
Death challenges us in ways that we never thought possible. In those moments I try to remember who those people who leave us remember us to be.
