You are nothing what I asked for. I want to be a better person but you always put me down. From the constant telling me how bad I look or making me question if I'm a bother to other people. You make my life a living Hell.
There are days that you make me have no motivation. I drag and the day seems forever. You are the big black gaping hole in . Some days the thoughts are too much and I don't feel like talking and I have to fake a smile to everyone.
I lock myself away and listen to music to get you to leave me alone. Again you are not what I asked for. You make me feel like a disappointment to everyone, make me question my very existence, question my presence around others.
Why can you not leave me alone? Why are you such a big gaping hole?
I can always go to a therapist or someone but it won't work. It's hard to go to a therapist when you have no motivation or don't feel like talking.
The days I never feeling like eating because you call me fat when ever I go to eat. Telling me I'm worthless and no one actually likes me. Making me fake a smile when all I want to do is cry.
The only way to escape you is by listening to music, sleeping, or reading.
Oh the times I actually listened to you and thought that was my only way to cope with everything. The constant time crying from hearing you say how I'm not good enough to do anything. Poison to my life that still tries to control me day to day. Making me feel less than I am.
Making feel like everyone hates me and makes me want to run and hide from everyone. I can't seem to get ride of you. You always talk at the most inconvenient of times.
There are days where you win and I just don't care and let you win. Don't eat food but if I do it will be a bite or two and drink water to keep me full. Even though it won't work I still listen.
It's hard to keep a smile when you are around.. I have to put one on so no one knows you exist. Then later on in the day go home and cry because of the things you say that I can't bear.
I don't wanna listen to you but you break my walls and spirit and I do what you say without a doubt.
How I hate you and wish you would go away. I never asked for you and one day I will win. It may not be today or tomorrow but I will not let you win. You are just a voice. I can change you and I will. I will not let you win all the time. I am stronger than you, I am better than you.
One day you will see. That I can promise.
Signed,
Me
