Dear UMW: You're Actually Hilarious

UMW is such a cool school. I often find myself thinking about how much I love the campus and our traditions. But sometimes I find myself shaking my head, asking the question, "Why?" I guess my questions will just never have an answer, but that doesn't stop me from being annoying and asking them. Here's to you, UMW, and the many questions that you've put into my head.

1. Why do squirrels swarm the campus in balls of cuteness?

Everywhere you look, there's a squirrel climbing a tree or searching for a nut. Why are there so many in this small ratio of land called UMW? You'd think UMW was just one big nutty place. (Pun intended).

2. Why is bench sitting a "thing"?

I've never understood bench sitting. When I sit on a bench, all I can think about is how my boney butt hurts and how uncomfortable it is. But maybe there's something special about sitting on a bench and people watching. Maybe you could witness a miracle if you sit long enough. In the words of Forrest Gump, "miracles happen every day."

3. Why does Devil-Goat day bring such competitiveness?

Everyone has to admit that they can be competitive from time to time. From witnessing Devil-Goat day last year, I can say that I saw many people get very competitive. Who doesn't want to be the winning side in our school wide tradition? We all have this thirst to win. To be the best. And we all want bragging rights, right?

4. Why do the uneven bricks make me trip so much?

I trip on a daily/weekly basis at this school. There are some missing bricks, some uneven ones, and some that are completely flat, and yet I still trip on them. They are very pretty and add character to UMW, but I can barely walk normally in flats or sneakers on this campus, let alone heels. The travesty.

5. Why are chicken nuggets so scarce?

I love me some chicken nuggets and it makes me sad that I can only have them on Friday nights on campus. Petition to bring chicken nuggets to campus on a regular basis! That would make me, and I'm sure many other students, very happy.



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