Dear Brock,
No one understands what rape does to a person, except for the rape victim. Just to clarify, the victim is the one being raped, not the one who is doing the raping. A lot of people probably know someone who has been raped, and has seen what it does to a person, but they will never fully understand, and I hope that they don't.
Let me start off by giving you some much needed education. Alcohol disrupts the ability to make good decisions as well as good judgement. No one who is clearly intoxicated, or even just buzzed, is in a position to make significant decisions. Sex isn't significant though. Let me also educate that statement. ANYTHING that can result in bodily injury or another life is significant. Sex wasn't just what you wanted though. Any other person would have had some sort of thought of comfort. Outside, behind a dumpster, with someone who is unconscious, is NOT sex. That sir, is rape. She didn't even know that it happened until she was told in the hospital!
People like you are the ones that I despise. Let me tell you why. I was raped in 6th grade. I definitely didn't ask for it, I didn't even fully know what sex was yet. My best friend's brother stuck his hand down my pants, and later his penis. I was so scared that I didn't know what to do? Should I scream? Maybe I'm still asleep. All I could do was silently cry and see my best friend asleep on the floor with her music playing. The morning came and I didn't know what to do. He acted like nothing had happened, didn't avoid usual contact with me, but didn't cause any extra either. I tried to tell my family what had happened to me, but everyone shook it off. That would never happen to our baby girl. For what seemed like forever, I woke up crying every night because all that appeared in my dreams were really nightmares. All I could see were men that I trusted, raping me. It was absolutely terrifying, but no one believed it. This led me to have extreme depression and I attempted suicide that year on my birthday.
Through finding God, I found healing. That was years later. I learned to move on. But then there was another incident.
My senior prom was miserable, and I was ready to go to bed. Apparently, he wasn't. I sleep in my panties and a t-shirt, so apparently I was asking for it. We were newly dating, so I must have wanted it. Well, I didn't. I laid there and cried after it was over. He just played his damn play station. A guy that I trusted enough to date, took my body and decisions into his own hands. First of all, I'm asexual (I hate all things sexual). Secondly, I was saving myself for marriage. I never asked or even hinted at wanting to have sex. I didn't even try to tell my family that time. They didn't believe that a friend's brother could rape me, why would they think someone that they absolutely adored would rape their daughter?
What does this have to do with you? Let me tell you. So many of us are afraid to tell our stories, to not only tell the details, but to live it over and over again when we give testimony. You took advantage of a girl and she decided to fight back. For over a year, she had to give her story, all of her details, and not move on with healing. You lied, said she wanted it, and worst of all? "20 minutes of action" is what you referred to her as, not even a person. All of us rape victims were cheering for her, hoping that she got her justice. But did she? No. She never will. Do you know why?
The media won't even call you a rapist, you're still just the Stanford Swimmer. The legal system wanted ten years of prison, but you got out of jail, not prison, after only three months for "good behavior." You didn't get even a fraction of your sentence. Why does this bother me? Because rape victims weren't the only ones following this story in disgust. People who have raped other people followed this story, and I'm sure they laughed. They laughed because they know if their victim had sued, it probably would have been dismissed. They laughed because they saw how "severe" the punishment is for a clearly guilty rapist. People see that rape isn't a problem, because the victim probably won't tell anyone, but if they do then the rapist might just get a slap on the wrist like you did. What's to keep them from doing it again? Rape will never stop or lessen until people like you are held accountable for their actions.
All I can hope at this point is that people see the true error in what you did and that you are a rapist that happened to be a good swimmer, not a swimmer who accidentally raped someone. Because rape isn't accidental, it is full of intention and premeditation. I hope you realize how much hurt you caused that girl, and every person like her who had their woulds reopened as they read her letter and feelings. Our world will never be fixed until people like you can realize that a person is a person, and that you are guilty, regardless of your "gifts." One last thing, I want you to know that people like you are why suicide rates are so high.
Sincerely,
A rape victim
