Dear Guardian Angel

Dear Guardian Angel

I open my heart, and there you are.
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Dear "Guardian Angel",

It was just another day. The specific events of that day were nothing out of the ordinary. I got up in the morning, led my routine life, then came home at night. I got the phone call and I was told to sit down. I never understood that, never understood why they tell you to sit down before they tell you the bad news. I found out why after I dropped to the ground. I remember looking around for something to save me. I don't remember what that something was. All I remember was that you weren't there anymore and I felt so alone.

The funeral came and went and I don't remember a single moment from then. I don't remember a single face except for yours. I remember looking down at you for the last time and wondering what kind of monstrous force would do this. You had so many big plans, so many dreams, so many people to inspire still. But then you were gone. You left behind friends and family...and me.

The first stage I went through was disbelief. I felt that this was all some kind of nightmare that I could just wake up and my life wouldn't be shattered into a thousand pieces anymore. I kept waiting and waiting to wake up, but I never did.

I went through a stage where I was angry. I was angry at myself for not spending as much time as I should have with you. I was angry that my last words shared with you were muttered because I couldn't find the right ones to say. I was angry at God for taking you away from me. I was angry at anyone who brought your name up. I was angry at the simple fact that I didn't know how to handle missing you.

The next stage was feeling numb, and this stage was the worst. I started not to care about the life I was supposed to be living. I found it hard to get out of bed every day and face a world without you in it. I just couldn't do it. I kept rereading cards that you gave to me, kept the little things that I had from you close to my heart. I held on to these because they were all that I had left.

Then one day, I don't remember when, I started to be able to breathe again. I started feeling you around me. I started looking for signs for when I hoped you were near and you always were right there. You were always holding me close to you, now with your angel wings and I finally felt okay. I felt warm and loved again. I started to dream of you and I could still remember you clearly. I know your voice. I know your touch. I know your scent. They say, in dreams, you aren't supposed to be able to see a person who's deceased. They're wrong. You can see them if they're still with you. You can see them if they're your angel.

I know that you're here with me every day. I know that you're watching over me and making sure my feet stay on track and I become the person you always hoped I would be. Every decision I make now, I ask you first.

I look around.

I listen.

I pray.

I open my heart, and there you are.

Cover Image Credit: Heather Yurick

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I'm A Woman And You Can't Convince Me Breastfeeding In Public Is OK In 2019

Sorry, not sorry.

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Lately, I have seen so many people going off on social media about how people shouldn't be upset with mothers breastfeeding in public. You know what? I disagree.

There's a huge difference between being modest while breastfeeding and just being straight up careless, trashy and disrespectful to those around you. Why don't you try popping out a boob without a baby attached to it and see how long it takes for you to get arrested for public indecency? Strange how that works, right?

So many people talking about it bring up the point of how we shouldn't "sexualize" breastfeeding and seeing a woman's breasts while doing so. Actually, all of these people are missing the point. It's not sexual, it's just purely immodest and disrespectful.

If you see a girl in a shirt cut too low, you call her a slut. If you see a celebrity post a nude photo, you call them immodest and a terrible role model. What makes you think that pulling out a breast in the middle of public is different, regardless of what you're doing with it?

If I'm eating in a restaurant, I would be disgusted if the person at the table next to me had their bare feet out while they were eating. It's just not appropriate. Neither is pulling out your breast for the entire general public to see.

Nobody asked you to put a blanket over your kid's head to feed them. Nobody asked you to go feed them in a dirty bathroom. But you don't need to basically be topless to feed your kid. Growing up, I watched my mom feed my younger siblings in public. She never shied away from it, but the way she did it was always tasteful and never drew attention. She would cover herself up while doing it. She would make sure that nothing inappropriate could be seen. She was lowkey about it.

Mindblowing, right? Wait, you can actually breastfeed in public and not have to show everyone what you're doing? What a revolutionary idea!

There is nothing wrong with feeding your baby. It's something you need to do, it's a part of life. But there is definitely something wrong with thinking it's fine to expose yourself to the entire world while doing it. Nobody wants to see it. Nobody cares if you're feeding your kid. Nobody cares if you're trying to make some sort of weird "feminist" statement by showing them your boobs.

Cover up. Be modest. Be mindful. Be respectful. Don't want to see my boobs? Good, I don't want to see yours either. Hard to believe, I know.

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13 Quotes For All Of Us Empowered Female-Identifying People Out There

For the days when you need to be reminded that you are really doing the dang thing and doing it well.

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For the days when you need to be reminded that you are really doing the dang thing and doing it well.

1. Do you really need someone else's permission, acceptance, wink, or nod, or are you ready to give these to yourself? -The Universe

I get notes from the Universe everyday and all of them are so amazing and inspiring. There might be a few of them on this list. You can sign up for your own notes from the universe here.

2. The princess saves herself in this one. -Amanda Lovelace

The quote is based off a book called The Princess Saves Herself In This One, which is a collection of poetry about resilience, you can get the book here.

3. I'm made of more than you think. -Snow White, Mirror, Mirror

4. Other people's perception of you ain't none of your business. -Lisa Nichols

CLAPPING HANDS EMOJI.

5. Do you realize how many events and choices that had to occur since the birth of the universe leading to the making of just exactly the way you are? -Mrs. Which, A Wrinkle In Time

I love this because it really hits home how so many right and wrong decisions led to the creation of you and how you should appreciate the good and the bad because without either of them you wouldn't be exactly who you were supposed to be.

6. You can't stop what's done to you. You can only survive it. -Rachel, Georgia Rule 

This brings up an important theme of my life that I'm still trying to figure out. The only thing you can control in your life is how you react to what happens to you.

7. Don't let anyone ever make you feel like you don't deserve what you want. -Patrick Verona, 10 Things I Hate About You

8. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. -Queen Clarisse, The Princess Diaries

9. No trifling of the past, no matter how great, can tarnish the brilliance of eternity. -The Universe

10. People who are insignificant to your future shouldn't have an impact on your present.

Someone once told me this, and although I can't remember the person, this quote has always stuck with me.

11. Talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique, completely not ever been done before. -Lady Gaga

You know what... I think she was talking about you.

12. Tell yourself it's easy. Tell yourself often. Make it an affirmation. Eat, sleep, breathe it, and you life shall be transformed. -The Universe

13. Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. -Mark Twain 

Go on then, be empowered and trust your instincts, you've got big things coming... I can tell.

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