Dear Guardian Angel

Dear Guardian Angel

I open my heart, and there you are.
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Dear "Guardian Angel",

It was just another day. The specific events of that day were nothing out of the ordinary. I got up in the morning, led my routine life, then came home at night. I got the phone call and I was told to sit down. I never understood that, never understood why they tell you to sit down before they tell you the bad news. I found out why after I dropped to the ground. I remember looking around for something to save me. I don't remember what that something was. All I remember was that you weren't there anymore and I felt so alone.

The funeral came and went and I don't remember a single moment from then. I don't remember a single face except for yours. I remember looking down at you for the last time and wondering what kind of monstrous force would do this. You had so many big plans, so many dreams, so many people to inspire still. But then you were gone. You left behind friends and family...and me.

The first stage I went through was disbelief. I felt that this was all some kind of nightmare that I could just wake up and my life wouldn't be shattered into a thousand pieces anymore. I kept waiting and waiting to wake up, but I never did.

I went through a stage where I was angry. I was angry at myself for not spending as much time as I should have with you. I was angry that my last words shared with you were muttered because I couldn't find the right ones to say. I was angry at God for taking you away from me. I was angry at anyone who brought your name up. I was angry at the simple fact that I didn't know how to handle missing you.

The next stage was feeling numb, and this stage was the worst. I started not to care about the life I was supposed to be living. I found it hard to get out of bed every day and face a world without you in it. I just couldn't do it. I kept rereading cards that you gave to me, kept the little things that I had from you close to my heart. I held on to these because they were all that I had left.

Then one day, I don't remember when, I started to be able to breathe again. I started feeling you around me. I started looking for signs for when I hoped you were near and you always were right there. You were always holding me close to you, now with your angel wings and I finally felt okay. I felt warm and loved again. I started to dream of you and I could still remember you clearly. I know your voice. I know your touch. I know your scent. They say, in dreams, you aren't supposed to be able to see a person who's deceased. They're wrong. You can see them if they're still with you. You can see them if they're your angel.

I know that you're here with me every day. I know that you're watching over me and making sure my feet stay on track and I become the person you always hoped I would be. Every decision I make now, I ask you first.

I look around.

I listen.

I pray.

I open my heart, and there you are.

Cover Image Credit: Heather Yurick

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It's Time To Thank Your First Roommate

Not the horror story kind of roommate, but the one that was truly awesome.
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Nostalgic feelings have recently caused me to reflect back on my freshman year of college. No other year of my life has been filled with more ups and downs, and highs and lows, than freshman year. Throughout all of the madness, one factor remained constant: my roommate. It is time to thank her for everything. These are only a few of the many reasons to do so, and this goes for roommates everywhere.

You have been through all the college "firsts" together.

If you think about it, your roommate was there through all of your first college experiences. The first day of orientation, wishing you luck on the first days of classes, the first night out, etc. That is something that can never be changed. You will always look back and think, "I remember my first day of college with ____."

You were even each other's first real college friend.

You were even each other's first real college friend.

Months before move-in day, you were already planning out what freshman year would be like. Whether you previously knew each other, met on Facebook, or arranged to meet in person before making any decisions, you made your first real college friend during that process.

SEE ALSO: 18 Signs You're A Little Too Comfortable With Your Best Friends

The transition from high school to college is not easy, but somehow you made it out on the other side.

It is no secret that transitioning from high school to college is difficult. No matter how excited you were to get away from home, reality hit at some point. Although some people are better at adjusting than others, at the times when you were not, your roommate was there to listen. You helped each other out, and made it through together.

Late night talks were never more real.

Remember the first week when we stayed up talking until 2:00 a.m. every night? Late night talks will never be more real than they were freshman year. There was so much to plan for, figure out, and hope for. Your roommate talked, listened, laughed, and cried right there with you until one of you stopped responding because sleep took over.

You saw each other at your absolute lowest.

It was difficult being away from home. It hurt watching relationships end and losing touch with your hometown friends. It was stressful trying to get in the swing of college level classes. Despite all of the above, your roommate saw, listened, and strengthened you.

...but you also saw each other during your highest highs.

After seeing each other during the lows, seeing each other during the highs was such a great feeling. Getting involved on campus, making new friends, and succeeding in classes are only a few of the many ways you have watched each other grow.

There was so much time to bond before the stresses of college would later take over.

Freshman year was not "easy," but looking back on it, it was more manageable than you thought at the time. College only gets busier the more the years go on, which means less free time. Freshman year you went to lunch, dinner, the gym, class, events, and everything else possible together. You had the chance to be each other's go-to before it got tough.

No matter what, you always bounced back to being inseparable.

Phases of not talking or seeing each other because of business and stress would come and go. Even though you physically grew apart, you did not grow apart as friends. When one of you was in a funk, as soon as it was over, you bounced right back. You and your freshman roommate were inseparable.

The "remember that one time, freshman year..." stories never end.

Looking back on freshman year together is one of my favorite times. There are so many stories you have made, which at the time seemed so small, that bring the biggest laughs today. You will always have those stories to share together.

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The unspoken rule that no matter how far apart you grow, you are always there for each other.

It is sad to look back and realize everything that has changed since your freshman year days. You started college with a clean slate, and all you really had was each other. Even though you went separate ways, there is an unspoken rule that you are still always there for each other.

Your old dorm room is now filled with two freshmen trying to make it through their first year. They will never know all the memories that you made in that room, and how it used to be your home. You can only hope that they will have the relationship you had together to reflect on in the years to come.


Cover Image Credit: Katie Ward

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Poetry On The Odyssey: Chasing Daffodils

My Vision Is Clear

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In the day we chase daffodils

cradling their petals oh so delicately

as they fan their beauty in the sunlight

we hold white knuckled hands

ambling through the meadow

care free

but as the sky grows dark

and our vision blurs

that hand grows claws

painful to the touch, we release each other

and take off,

running so swiftly from the bears and the wolves and the vultures

that we forget to open our eyes

and find strength in each other

To combat these demons

with the force of a thousand warriors,

instead of silhouettes dancing in the night

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