Dear "Guardian Angel",

It was just another day. The specific events of that day were nothing out of the ordinary. I got up in the morning, led my routine life, then came home at night. I got the phone call and I was told to sit down. I never understood that, never understood why they tell you to sit down before they tell you the bad news. I found out why after I dropped to the ground. I remember looking around for something to save me. I don't remember what that something was. All I remember was that you weren't there anymore and I felt so alone.

The funeral came and went and I don't remember a single moment from then. I don't remember a single face except for yours. I remember looking down at you for the last time and wondering what kind of monstrous force would do this. You had so many big plans, so many dreams, so many people to inspire still. But then you were gone. You left behind friends and family...and me.

The first stage I went through was disbelief. I felt that this was all some kind of nightmare that I could just wake up and my life wouldn't be shattered into a thousand pieces anymore. I kept waiting and waiting to wake up, but I never did.

I went through a stage where I was angry. I was angry at myself for not spending as much time as I should have with you. I was angry that my last words shared with you were muttered because I couldn't find the right ones to say. I was angry at God for taking you away from me. I was angry at anyone who brought your name up. I was angry at the simple fact that I didn't know how to handle missing you.

The next stage was feeling numb, and this stage was the worst. I started not to care about the life I was supposed to be living. I found it hard to get out of bed every day and face a world without you in it. I just couldn't do it. I kept rereading cards that you gave to me, kept the little things that I had from you close to my heart. I held on to these because they were all that I had left.

Then one day, I don't remember when, I started to be able to breathe again. I started feeling you around me. I started looking for signs for when I hoped you were near and you always were right there. You were always holding me close to you, now with your angel wings and I finally felt okay. I felt warm and loved again. I started to dream of you and I could still remember you clearly. I know your voice. I know your touch. I know your scent. They say, in dreams, you aren't supposed to be able to see a person who's deceased. They're wrong. You can see them if they're still with you. You can see them if they're your angel.

I know that you're here with me every day. I know that you're watching over me and making sure my feet stay on track and I become the person you always hoped I would be. Every decision I make now, I ask you first.

I look around.

I listen.

I pray.

I open my heart, and there you are.