In middle school I wrote goals at the beginning of every school year. In 7^th grade, my number one social goal was: “Less awkward, more cool.”

I checked that one off the list, although I can not tell you how I judged my own coolness back then. How end-of-the-year 7^th grade Emma could have possibly been less awkward than beginning-of-the-year 7^th grade Emma is beyond me. (Despite my disbelief, I’m happy for past Emma.)

I do not set goals like that for myself anymore, at least not formally in an ultra-secret diary. However, I am still trying to figure out how to be less awkward and more cool.

Today, if I were to write down just one goal that would help me be less awkward and more cool, it would be: stop feeling like you need to apologize for your body.

If I could achieve that, I would be so cool.

Chimamanda Adichie, one of my heroes, and objectively one of the coolest women around, said in her inspired TEDx Talk, “I have chosen to no longer be apologetic for my femaleness and my femininity. And I want to be respected in all of my femaleness because I deserve to be.”

All. Of. My. Femaleness. All of it. Everything that comes with being a woman. She demands and deserves respect for it all. And she’s trying to tell us that we all deserve it too. Oh Chimamanda, how I strive to be as confident as you.

And I am trying to be more confident. But, since I am a woman, society values me less than my male peers in so many ways and that makes it hard. Despite my awareness of how unfair that is and despite the fact that I am privileged in a lot of ways because of my race, socioeconomic status and the fact that I have supportive family, friends and teammates constantly surrounding me, I still let it get to me. I am guilty of taking seriously the expectations society has for young women, as perpetuated by the media and my communities. But can you blame me?

I am an athlete. I compete in Division 1 women’s ultimate frisbee against some of the top female athletes in the country. Strength is a necessary component in being a competitive athlete, so I lift weights and do difficult workouts in order to be in peak physical condition. I take pride in how hard I work in order to run faster, jump higher, get injured less, and recover quicker.

Yet, I am self-conscious about my defined muscles. Where male athletes are lauded for being visibly strong, female athletes are judged and likened to being male. Somehow female athletes are expected to be graceful, lithe, petite wisps of a thing and still be competitively athletic. And that may be possible for some, but sorry world, but that’s not how I can roll.

What I have noticed in my 21 years of being a person in this world is, since I am strong, I have to be described in masculine terms. Well, I reject that. I hate that. I am not “strong as a man” and I do not have “man arms.”

I am strong. And I am woman. In fact, I am a strong woman. I have woman arms. I am athletic, but I am not masculine in any way the media can define for me. Nope, not a bit.

So I’m trying to be less apologetic about my visible strength. I want to stop feeling like I need to hide it in order to look more like the idealized image of a woman, as perpetuated by the media. Big, muscular thighs and biceps, lean, defined calves and a butt that isn’t messing around are all key parts of my femininity.

I deserve to be respected in all of my femaleness. That includes my muscles, my short stature and even shorter hair, and my bony knees. That applies whether I’m wearing my muddy jersey or a flowery dress.

Now that I’ve written all that, I’ve realized something.

I am cool. I am really, really cool and it is the mainstream media that is not cool. The mainstream media is awkward, and uncool and they are making it really hard for girls and women to feel cool about themselves as people and as athletes.

Hey media, take a note from 7^th-grade me and try being less awkward and more cool so that women and girls can stop feeling self conscious about their bodies. I am done apologizing for my femaleness, but I would like an apology from you.