Dear little girls like me,
As kids, we do not see that our family is different than others. If we do notice a difference, it is hard to understand why or what even sets us apart from all of the other little girls and boys at school. We have developed our own "normal" in society, but, sweet child, our normal is not normal, and it is vital that we understand this.
I stand firm in the belief that there are two types of people who come from families like ours: those who follow and those who turn the opposite way.
My father is an alcoholic. In all of my 18 years of living, I have hated him, torn him down with my words and actions, ignored him and even wished the worst for him. I could never understand why I had to be the person who came home to a drunk father every single day. My childhood sucked, and I have spent 75 percent of my lifetime being pissed off at the world. My father has been in and out of rehab and hospitals, and I have seen him laid out the floor going through withdrawals more than I can count on my fingers and toes. The only thing I truly ever wanted for my daddy was for him to be OK, and to see what it is like to live a life without an addiction. Whatever your story may be, you are not alone.
You cannot change someone who isn't ready to change.
It is so important to understand that this is not your fault. The actions of your parent(s) have nothing to do with you. I spent so much time trying to change my behavior to fix my dad's problems that I couldn't see how miserable I really was. Nothing I ever said or did was enough to change the horrible childhood my dad had. What is wrong is wrong, and there is no excuse for how he treated my brother and me, but I can now see that there is so much more to it than I can imagine. No matter how much you try, you cannot change what is going on inside of an addict's mind. Sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom before someone can see how destructive substance abuse is.
You are loved.
I know it doesn't feel like it, but you are. I have no doubt in my mind that my daddy loves me. He has always provided for me the best that he could, even when it didn't feel that way. I am surrounded by so many family members, friends, neighbors and educators who love me; it just took opening my eyes to see how much I am loved. Please don't be afraid to open your eyes.
Our experiences have taught us more than a book ever has.
Earlier I mentioned that there are two types of people who come from families like ours. I believe it takes a special person to stand up and choose to turn the opposite direction. We have every single right to be angry, but what we do with that anger is ultimately our choice. My dad chose alcohol, but I chose college. Without realizing it, my daddy is the one who chose what I want to do with my life, and I couldn't be more thankful to him for that. I study social work at Arkansas State University because I believe that it is my responsibility to take my childhood experiences and turn them into a lesson plan for others like you and me. I hope that you will choose to be inspired enough to do the same, whatever it may be.
Choose yourself.
Saying this is much easier said than done. Talk about it, take time out of each day to do something you enjoy, spend time with friends, do whatever you can to choose yourself. It may not sound like much, but it is the best decision I have ever made. There is absolutely nothing wrong with taking time out for you. You are the only person who you will be stuck with for the rest of your life, so you better learn how to love yourself. (Harsh, I know.)
I truly believe that God only gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers and that He will never give us more than we can handle. If you have faith in more than what you can see, then be the strongest soldier you can possibly be. I love my dad more than anything, and I always will. I just pray that you can do the same for your parent who is suffering from an addiction as well.
I will leave you with this...
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."
- Proverbs 3:5-6
Turn the opposite direction, and don't you ever look back.
Love always,
Gus
