Black women do not need you to praise them or speak on their behalf. Dating a black woman is not missionary work. It is not the photo opp of the white "savior" who spent his or her summer before college saving the poor African children, as they become overwhelmed with gratitude and the sudden urge to hug their hero right before the camera clicks. Your long proclamations of love for black women has an uncanny resemblance to a phenomenon called the "White Jesus Complex".
The White Jesus complex is a peculiar kind of narcissism. It is ripe with good intentions, like Jacob Michael Mason, however, its problem as columnist Rafia Zakaria described, is it's "singular focus on the volunteer's quest for experience, as opposed to the recipient community's actual needs". To many, it is unsettling that the people that do the "saving" resemble those that did the "oppressing". In the end the oppressed group loses autonomy over how they get to reclaim themselves and rebuild. This "White Jesus Complex", this need to improve the conditions for poor black folk is the same conviction that was once used to enslave Africans. Like hey y'all, let's save these heathens by forcing a God they do not know while we systematically oppress and dismantle their family structures and beliefs. Right. Dating a black woman feels good to Jacob Michael Mason, which isn't the issue in itself. His feeling of charitable accomplishment however is. Mason states, "Whenever I’m in a relationship with someone of another race I love getting that thrill that attention of knowing that I’m not normal because it makes me thrive to change the world even more
".
So in other words Jacob Michael Mason, founder of swirlmingle.com, I will never say thank you for appreciating black women. Nah. Because let's face it,White America's love for black culture and our inherent attributes have put us in quite a bind (literally) multiple times in history and to this day. After all black women were commodified throughout history for certain positive "attributes". Black women were reduced to body parts, forced to be wet nurses (breastfeed) for their slave owner's babies, because they were thought to be more nurturing and stronger than their wives.
In one of many of his Facebook videos about his love for "chocolate girls" Mason explains his thoughts on the Black Lives Matter movement.
Mason explains that it is wrong to stare judgemently at an interracial couple. I completely agree with this. His explanation however is a bit...well here it is: " Do you think it would be ok to stare at someone because they have a mental disorder…do you think that immediately judging them whenever they walk by and to just stare at them and think, that person’s not normal and keep staring at them. No you don’t! You don’t stare at them. So why would you look at a black and white couple and stare at them?
"
After his explanation for why it is wrong to stare at an interracial couple, he explains why they are looked down on in society with this:
"It’s because of all these one sided activists in this world.
These only black lives matter…it’s so distracting that it’s taking away the
beauty of what we are."
The Black lives matter movement isn't saying that blacks are superior to white, it's saying that we are the same and should be treated as such. Our lives and daily experiences, joys, struggles and histories are just as sacred. The fact that black people need to have or even explain this movement is because every single day on a micro or macro level we are told that our lives do not matter as much. Those who are offended by this, need to check their hearts. Perhaps they are afraid that they will one day live in a world where they do not have the upper hand. That they will one day have to give up certain privileges.
Black lives matter is all about equity and access in every aspect of life and especially in death. When there are two completely different headlines for the same story (e.g. "Doctor Overdoses at High Society NYC 'Cocaine Apartment'). Nah son, home girl was in a crack house, and that's exactly what the headlines would say if she was black.
Ok...what does his father's history or education have to do with being murdered and a mysteriously broken spine? How does someone's spine just break under police custody...shouldn't that be the headline? We don't even get to die equally. That is part of what Black Lives Matter is about. Can we have the privilege of dying of old age? Of getting a proper obituary? Of not seeing innocent young people who look like us demonized in the media?
So Mr.Mason your love for black women but your disapproval of the Black Lives Matter movement is a baffling contradiction.
Sincerely,
A black woman who can love and speak for herself, unapologetically.
