At 26 years old my 13-year-old self thought I would be married by now. Maybe even popping a kid out too (how naïve, I know).
They say, "When you plan something, God laughs." I've planned my age at marriage, the wedding venue, the time of year, the. whole. thing. God must be rolling on the floor laughing (you are so welcome for that laugh, God). I think He laughs because our plan for ourselves is so small when the plan He has set in stone is the best and way bigger than our minds could imagine.
I always THINK I am ready for marriage and then something happens and I realize THIS is why I'm not there yet. I can't help but thank God because I know when He puts that man in my life it will be the best time even if it isn't on my time. The best thing I can do is try to be the best Christ-following human and pray for my future husband until God lets us finally meet.
It's tough to wait especially when everyone around you is either engaged or married and having babies. It makes me doubt God and His plan. Why would He make me wait? Why is He breaking my heart with these relationships? I started to realize God doesn't waste our time, He makes us wait for a reason.
Instead of complaining and sitting and hating the wait, I pray to God to reveal why He is making me wait. What is He trying to teach me during this period? (IT FEELS LIKE SUCH A LONG PERIOD, BY THE WAY). Well, probably patience... for starters. So in this wait, I pray for myself to fully grasp the lessons God is trying to teach me and pray that my future husband is working on himself, too (or at least he better be... just saying).
So, to my future husband,
I pray for you, not knowing who you are. I don't know what color your eyes are, how you laugh, or how you speak, but I pray for you every day. I pray your heart is filled with joy, love, and generosity. I pray you are a man of patience, integrity, and faithfulness. I hope you talk about God and His promises to people around you. May God bless you and give you the gift to help others find God and lead people to a strong faith. I hope you are truly happy in your own skin and where you are in life. I pray you stay safe in this crazy world. I hope God wraps his arms around you as you cross tough times and challenging paths. I pray you aren't having too hard of a time in life but I know life has its challenges so I hope God brings you through it and gives you the strength to persevere.
I pray you choose to have good eyes to see the best in those around you. I know that it can be hard to see the good in people but I pray you are a forgiving man who doesn't judge someone for their choices in life. I pray you are working on your relationship with God. I pray you take the high road even when it's not the easiest thing. I hope even when temptation knocks on your door, you choose to do the right thing — even when no one is looking. I pray you stay humble and kind even if you're on top of the world. I hope when you reach your goals, you turn around and giving a helping hand to the ones behind you. I pray you love your family even if they aren't perfect. Family is such a special part of life and I hope no matter the hardships, you remember to love them at the end of the day. And lastly, I hope God gives you endless amounts of love, happiness, and health. May God grant you the privilege of having a roof over your head and people who care about you.
Your future wife xo
Every night and every morning, I pray for him. I don't pray for God to put him in my life (actually sometimes I do, my patience can be thin at times... I'm human). I pray for his well-being as a person and for me to be ready when I meet him. It's hard to not want to give up and settle for whatever relationship comes by. I have found myself in relationships where I just want to settle so I can oblige to what I've deemed as a good age to get married.
I've thought about compromising my morals, religion, and personality because I wanted to speed up the plan.
I don't know much of God's plan but I am pretty confident that God won't send me a man who compromises my faith, morals, or personality. I often hear, "What if God has sent him to you and you just passing up on him?" When God sends me my future husband, I will know it. They won't play games with my heart or waste my time. They won't lie or cheat. A godly man sent by the Man Himself will be honest, responsible, and chasing the Lord just as much as me, if not more.
Instead of waiting around wasting my time, I'm choosing to use this chapter to work on myself. Not only for my future husband but for myself, as well. When I say "work on myself," I don't mean externally, I'm speaking about internally. That means using this wait chapter to make my heart more genuine and pure. To push myself to be responsible for my actions and to spread kindness to everyone who crosses paths with me.
Please don't get me wrong, man or no man, that should always be the goals in my head. It's just taken me to get to this part of my book to realize there are so many places in which I need to grow before I'm able to let a man into my life.
So if you are in a similar situation — feeling hopeless or giving up or even settling for an "OK" relationship, please don't. You are worthy of that godly love that He has written in your book, you just aren't at the chapter yet. And that is OK. You might hold yourself up to that expectation to be married by now but you deserve a love that God has made for you.
Take your time, your future you will thank you.