It’s been almost a year since we stopped being friends, since I learned the hard realization that what you often think is forever, well, it just isn’t. We ran through the nights like no one could stop us, and made memories that we only will always share. I haven’t talked to you in 9 months, but god does it feel like 90 years. Today is your birthday, and that’s why I’m writing this. Out of gratitude, remorse even, mixed emotions for a happy occasion. The first real happy occasion we won’t celebrate together in 4 years. I hope you’re doing well, wherever you are now.
If there’s one thing I know, it’s that I will never hate you. No matter how much I want to, how much I try, I won’t. If I ever said I hated you, I was lying to myself to make it easier. I knew you in a way no one else ever did, and no one is ever going to understand that. All of those secrets you told me, have you told anyone else since? All of those tears I’ve watched you shed, how many other shirts have you soaked? All of those times I watched you scream at your parents to stop molding you, to stop being so awful, all of those words and emotions I had never witnessed anyone else shed before. Little did I realize as I watched you change, I was changing with you. Life is about evolution, and the best kind often happens when you stop paying attention.
We grew incredibly strong over 4 years, too strong even at times. I inherited so much good from you, but with it came the bad. I became opinionated, but I often perceive that being because of the fact I was learning about all of these different subjects and learning what passion truly meant. I was learning the truth about the world, feminism, gay rights, transgender issues, war, and white privilege. And without you, I would have never known these existed, I would have never realized just how truly scary our world was. But amongst all of the fog and evil, you were a light, my light. Together we were unstoppable, we were a hurricane and we were ready to take down everything that stopped us.
Over that last year I slowly watched us drift and sink further away from each other, but it wasn’t until about this time last year I truly realized what was happening. You were moving on, and I was holding on. I was holding on to everything we were, everything we ever said to each other, how many times we laughed until we cried, our tired eyes at 4 am watching "Orange Is The New Black". You were my shelter, and the hurricane we created took it out and left me for dead.
So here’s to you Bubbles, on your 19th birthday. Whether you hate me or not I’ll never know, just remember murder is a crime, and I don’t want to see you end up on the news because you murdered yourself; all because you couldn’t stop running.
