My intent in writing this letter is not to put you down; I’m not going to waste my time or yours by bashing you. I think that if we both looked back on our relationship, we would know who was in the wrong in every situation we faced. We were both flawed... Hell, we still are. But the degree to which we are isn’t within my right, or anyone else’s right to say. With that being noted, I’m not negating the fact that our relationship was bad. It was a truly unhealthy relationship. I don’t know what effect it had on you, but it tremendously changed me as a person. I just want to say now that I don’t hold any resentment towards you for that. As painful as it was, it helped me to grow in so many unimaginable ways. It gave me so much light and perspective, even until this day. Which is why this article is a tribute to you.
Dear Ex,
During the length of our relationship, there were a lot of circumstances that made me question myself and my value. I knew I wasn’t what you exactly wanted, so I had to stand back and think about who I was. During this time, I had to think about every factor that could make me so “undesirable” to you. I took into consideration a breadth of things like my faith, morals, interests, intelligence, character, and appearance. Based off of your judgments I plucked the things out of my life that didn’t seem appealing to you. I packed all of those things that I loved about myself, all of the things that represented me and molded me neatly into a box, and I hid them away... just to appease you. At the time, I knew what I was doing was wrong. I was brought up well enough to know that I shouldn’t conform myself for anyone, especially not a boy. However, I was also taught that I should never give up in the roughest of times. Who knew the two rules were mutually exclusive? Definitely not me at the time. And as that time went on, my smile faded. The cobwebs on that box grew. I began to change into a person that was almost unrecognizable as I looked in the mirror. Which is why, when we broke up, I spiraled down. I kind of forgot all about the box.
With all of that being said, you could probably imagine what an amazing day it was for me to be able to wipe the dust off and open that box back up again. This rediscovery process, as incredible as it was, was extremely difficult at the start; I had to relearn everything that I had forced myself to forget. One step at a time, I had to find myself. Luckily enough, I had people in my life that were more than willing to walk by my side. They held my hand during the journey; to this day, they are still my main supporters and best friends. For that, I have you to thank. You may not have realized it, but by steering myself away from you, you allowed me to find those people who helped me to find myself again. People who took all of those things I stored away out into fresh air. They shined them off and encouraged me to take control of my life again. They helped me to appreciate and love who I was even more than I ever have before. They did what you just couldn’t do, and that was to allow me to be…well…me.
Again, I am not trying to be disparaging by writing this because I don’t hold any resentment towards you. What I am trying to say here is that I just honestly could never be myself around you no matter how hard I tried. During the whole length of our relationship, I was trying to razor myself down into a puzzle piece that perfectly matched your side. But now, I know that could never be possible. I could never fit with you because I wasn’t meant for you. I was meant for someone else… and so were you.
Speaking of that special someone brings me to the next thank you I have to give, which is for leading me to my guy. You may not have recognized it at the time, but when you mistreated me you were just giving me information that I could use to relate and connect to him. By not loving me, you helped me to develop my own definition of what love should be. You made me think about what I truly wanted in a relationship. Now, I am happy to say that I have found all of my hopes and more in someone else. I’ve found someone who has stuck with me, not only in the highs but especially in the lows. Someone who does everything in their power just to make me feel comfortable, no matter what. Someone who I can trust wholeheartedly and laugh my ass off with. Someone that is not only my partner but my best friend throughout everything. Someone who loves me so much that it took me a while to believe that I deserved it; only because I had accepted the love I thought I deserved for so many months with you. Now, I’m not condoning your indifference towards me during our relationship. However, I need to acknowledge the fact that it is okay that you couldn’t love me. Your inability to do so gave me the ability to recognize true love in a relationship when I experienced it for the first time. If I didn’t experience being put down by you, I may have turned a blind eye to the guy who will never fail to put me up on a pedestal. For that, I could never be more grateful.
In the end, I would like to thank you for helping me to rediscover myself. I'm not saying this sarcastically because this letter was really not meant to rag on you. In all honestly, as much as I may have disagreed with you as a partner, I do appreciate you as a person. You have only led me to bigger and better things so all I want in return is the same for you. You deserve love, and I know that may be strange coming from me, but I mean it. I may not have brought out the best qualities in you, but I am confident that one day you will find the girl who will. Until that day, and even after, I wish you the best.
Sincerely,
Me
