It's been said that you get a funny feeling when you leave a place for the last time. But you also get a funny feeling when you leave for the first and the second and the third time. It starts in April- realizing that there is not enough time to say all of the things you wanted to say, and the knowledge that, by the time school starts again in August, the moment has passed. But there are about 87 papers to write and 54 tests to take, so you push the feeling away and just keep working. Then, all of a sudden, it's the last week of school. And then you are packing up the things in your dorm room. Finally, it's the day after your last final. Your tiny car is a disaster, and the room that has been home for the past year is just four white walls and some dull furniture again. You start the car up and try not to cry as scenes from the whole year flash through your mind.
Sure, finals are scary, but leaving everything behind to go back to your "other life" is scary, too. "Goodbye," no matter how many times you say it, just feels wrong coming out of your mouth. You've spent nine months building an existence here, and now you're tearing it down. Maybe, you're never going to live with your roommate again. Or it could be that your friends are graduating, getting married and moving to the other side of the country. It could be accepting that the best date you ever went on is really just a memory and now it's time to move on with your life. It's those things and a hundred other things.
And that's what you're really scared of at the end of the semester -- saying goodbye. So sometimes you say it, and sometimes you don't. But whether you say it out loud or not, it's constantly on your mind during the course of those last few days. Goodbye to meals in the cafeteria. Goodbye to tests and papers and stress. Goodbye to late night conversations with your roommate. Goodbye to your "school best friend," the one you've grown closer to in a shorter time than you thought humanly possible. Goodbye to the boys you've dated, the nice ones and the jerks.
And then you realize the worst thing: you are only a freshman or a sophomore or a junior. If you're this emotional now, imagine how bad it will be when you graduate. So, you wipe your eyes and turn on your blinker, heading out on the highway towards home. Your adventure is complete.
It's time to start your summer adventure. You pull your sunglasses down over your eyes and crank the AC and the radio up. And as you bound up the stairs and into your house, you realize your whole family is there waiting for you. You smile as you realize that, for one last time, it's not really "goodbye," it's "See you in August."
