Dear eight-year-old self,
First of all, I want to say you are loved. You’re loved by your family. You’re loved by God. You’re loved by your friends. Second, you were made to love in return, so be loving to your sisters, to your parents, to your classmates, and to everyone.
Alright, now that’s established, so here are a few things I need you to know as you’re growing up. You don’t have to understand everything right now. You’re not going to know exactly why I’m telling you what I’m telling you, but trust me. I don’t have it all figured out, either, but I’ve learned a lot in nineteen years. You’re young now, but don’t take life for granted. Don’t forget to enjoy every little moment, every little hug and every game of catch with Daddy.
A lot is getting ready to change, and that will be scary for you because you’re so used to living in your own little world. California is a big place, but right now your world is safe. It is the four walls of your bedroom, the playground across the street, your school just a block away, and a fenced-in yard. You have no idea what it will be like on the other side of the country, and you’re wondering how you’re going to make it without your best friend, but I have a secret for you. There are other people out there. There are other best friends to be made, and it is okay to make new friends. They’re going to stick with you through the bad times and the good times because both kinds of times exist. Life is a lot uglier than you know, but it’s also way more beautiful. Soon enough, you will understand what I mean when I say the ugliest parts of life usually give way to the most beautiful moments you will ever experience.
You are going to experience pain. You are going to experience loss. You cannot possibly imagine the kind of hurt and emptiness that will accompany that loss, and as much as I hate to say this, you deserve to know the truth: It doesn’t go away. People will tell you it will get better. Some people will even say you ought to be celebrating, but thoughts of a “better place” just aren’t going to cut it. People are going to tell you it’ll be okay, and it will be, but it doesn’t have to be right away. Let yourself cry, and don’t you dare hold back because of what anyone else tells you to feel. The strange thing is, the pain won’t ever really go away, but it will change, and as odd as it sounds to you now, it will transform into something much more beautiful than it is tragic. It will shape you as a person. It will make you appreciate life in a way you wouldn’t otherwise. It will remind you to love with everything you have, without fear of holding back. There’s not enough time in this life for fear.
There will be a day you wake up and hate yourself. You’ll cringe at your own laugh, despise your own reflection, and wonder why the heck you’re even trying to do all these things you’ll never be able to accomplish. Until years from now, you won’t understand how desperately I wish I could send this message back in time for you. It would save you so much trouble, but just as loss will mold you as a person, so will your mistakes. In the absolute darkest moments, God is closest. He is right there, holding onto you. All you have to do is let Him.
On a more positive note, there is so much more to life than you can begin to understand at eight years old. There’s pain, but there’s also so much wonder. God is amazing, and no matter what happens, don’t you dare lose faith in Him. It’s okay to have doubt. It’s okay to get upset, to get angry, and to get frustrated, but don’t you dare stay that way. Don’t give up. It probably sounds silly hearing this now. After all, of course you love Jesus. Of course you believe. Of course you’ll always be faithful. Trust me, though. You need to hear this now and you’ll need to be reminded for the rest of your life, because it does get harder. It will get both harder and better, and that is life. My hope for you is that you will hang onto all the wonderful, little moments. Appreciate what you have now, and keep this letter. Hang onto it and look at it every so often, because I think it’ll help you to have a reminder. No matter how bad you think things are getting, you’re still around and you’re doing alright. Don’t let anyone else tell you what you are good at or what to do with your life, because it is your life. Do what you love and don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. You’re going to make mistakes and go through harder times, but those are the defining moments preparing you to serve God’s greater purpose. You can’t go back or fast forward, so live in the present. Focus on what you can do today and improve what you can. There are people in your life who will help you. Thank them all the time, and thank them some more. I still don’t have everything figured out, but that’s what I’ve got.
XOXOXO
With Love, You in Eleven Years
