In this article, I will refer to my eating disorder as Ed. I may use pronouns such as he, she, they, and it when referring to my eating disorder because it is a skill I have learned to utilize while going through treatment for my disorder. It is important for you to know that I won't address this letter to my eating disorder (Ed) because it doesn't deserve one. So, instead, I will address this letter to what my eating disorder truly is, a savage and relentless disease who is never satisfied with anything.
I am tired of you. No. I am exhausted of you. I am exhausted of your voice, your lies and your grip, which seems to be tightening on my life, especially recently.
I am really angry that now, all of a sudden, you have come back into my life and have been trying to convince me that I need you again. I am angry that your voice keeps getting louder and louder, and that it carries so much weight in my life. I am angry that of all the people who have consistently supported me, and told me that I am beautiful just the way I am, I choose to listen to your voice.
The voice that tells me that I need to be thinner and more muscular. I listen to your voice, which tells me that I want to get sick again, and, this time, I want to be sicker than I was before. I am angry that you amplify every imperfection that I have on my body. God forbid I am a human being.
I am tired of you telling me that eating a doughnut for breakfast every morning will make me fat. I am tired of you convincing me that it is okay to skip lunch and dinner. You are a bully.