Dear Boyfriend,
It is I: Girlfriend. As you know, last night you asked me to pick somewhere to eat. “Where do you want to eat,” you had asked.
“Where do you want to eat,” I asked back, hoping you’d respond with a straight answer to help with this decision.
“I asked you first,” you said. Crap. You’ve given me nothing to work with.
Now, Boyfriend, I know my prolonged silence is beginning to alert you of the classic dilemma: Girlfriend can’t pick a place to eat. You hold out hope, though. I can see it in your eyes. ‘She’ll get this. She’ll pull through,’ they say. How I wish I had the positivity you had, Boyfriend.
As you sit there, the hope in your eyes starting to dull slightly, I’m running through all the deciding factors of this choice in my head: we had Chinese food last week, we made tacos on Tuesday, and last night was steak and potatoes. I’ve now eliminated about 15 places to go, but there are still so many to choose from. What price point are we looking at for dinner? We have that wedding to go to next week and we still need to go get the couple a gift. How much will that cost? Do we want to get dressed up? Is a food truck an OK suggestion? It’s Friday, so how packed will a restaurant be? Do we want dessert afterwards? Because if so, we need to go to a place with good dessert options.
The hope in your eyes is all but gone. You need an answer, and I have none to give you.
“Where do you want to go,” you repeat again. I’m suddenly seeing images of that gif from "The Notebook" where Ryan Gosling keeps asking, “What do you want,” and Rachel McAdams tearfully says “It’s not that simple.” Oh, Rachel, how you understand me!
“Well, how much do you want to spend tonight,” I ask, thinking I’m being helpful.
“Doesn’t matter. We haven’t been eating out much, so we have more money in our food allowance than normal,” you say. You’d think this would help my decision, dear Boyfriend, but it doesn’t. It doesn’t because now there are more choices than ever. I have to narrow down my options more.
“How fancy do you feel like dressing up tonight?”
“Doesn’t matter. I don’t care about that stuff, babe. Just choose a place.”
I feel my heartbeat speed up. Why do you do this to me, Boyfriend? We both know how much decisions like this pains me. Ask me to choose a new refrigerator, what house we should live in, which dog we should adopt at the pound, but please, don’t make me choose where to eat!
And then suddenly, I’m hit with a beautiful realization: I chose where we ate last time. It’s Boyfriend’s turn to choose!
“Hey,” I say, trying to sound smooth, “didn’t I choose Chinese last week? It’s your turn to decide.”
“No, I picked up and made the steaks last night when you got caught up in that late meeting. You told me you’d pick what we’d do tonight as a thank you,” you say back. “Really, I don’t care what you choose. Let’s just go get some food and then come back and relax.”
I sigh, knowing that he’s right. I think another moment, and then say “Ok, how about Outback?”
You look at me, blink, then make a face. “Eh, I’m not really feeling that tonight.”
And now we’re back to square one.
Moral of the story: Yes Boyfriend, sometimes I can’t decide where we should eat. But understand that it’s not a decision I take lightly and will not choose lightly. Even if that does drive you crazy.
Promising to buy you a lava cake as an apology for my prolonged decision making process,
Girlfriend
(Writer’s note: This is a fictionalconversation made for humorous purposes. When asked where to go for a meal, I can give a definitive answer four out of five times.)
