Dear Body,

I honestly do not remember a time that I was ever truly happy with you. We've always been butting heads. There's always something I tend to find. The wrinkles on your forehead, the fat on your thighs that jiggle, the way your arms look and how your thighs seem to grow 10 sizes bigger when you sit down. There really is never a time when I can look at you and be satisfied that you are mine. I've always wanted to be perfect, so I'm constantly trying to make you perfect.

You've put up with all my shits and bricks the past 19 years and trust me, I know I've put you through a hell of a lot. From starving you, to hurting you, to blaming you for all my problems, to excessively hating you, to picking you apart, and pinching and squeezing you, and ignoring all of your needs, for not letting you rest even when you screamed at me through dizzy whispers that you were exhausted. I made you a number and I tried to subtract you to zero, and you were cold, hungry, tired, dead, and yet I still gave you nothing. You're still keeping me alive and through it all, you're still here, putting up with me.

Today, even if I don't exactly like you I want to thank you. Thank you for keeping me alive. Thank you for your wrinkles on your forehead to remind me of all the times I laughed way too hard at something. Thank you for the fat on my thighs so I can do all the things I love and have energy for doing them. Thank you for giving me so much when I gave you so little. Thank you for keeping me alive when I didn't want to be alive. Most importantly, thank you for being you and for fighting back when I know you know what's best for me even when I don't want that.

You've gotten me through high school, through proms and homecomings and making memories with the best of friends. You've walked with me through my college years and through the hours of studying through first kisses and Saturday nights. You have taken me on wild adventures, allowed me to see amazing things and meet even more amazing people. You have led me to amazing destinations, and for that I thank you.

I don't know if we're ever going to be fully on the same page, and some days like today maybe, I won't like you, and you'll find me resenting you again. I cannot promise to love you all the time but I can promise to try. I'm sorry for depriving you, and hating you, and I'm sorry for all the times that I may do that in the future. i'm sorry for not listening to you, and for trying to change you and put you into this tiny little box that you were clearly not made to fit in.

I know it's been a rocky road between you and I. I haven't been the kindest to you and I've pushed you past your limits burning calories that I continuously denied you. The thing is, I can't give you up, I can't run to the store and return you and pick out a new you that I like better.

Even when I have bad days, I'm glad I'm stuck with you and you with me. I think you're pretty cool, and I promise we'll get through this life together.

Yours,

Me