‘Dear Agony’ is my favorite song from Breaking Benjamin. Despite its sad and often depressing tone, it conveys a deeper message that many listeners relate to their own struggles in life. ‘Dear Agony’ is a track off of the album with the same exact name. Released September 29, 2009, this album is the fruition of Benjamin Burney’s recovery from a debilitating alcoholic addiction and subsequent diagnosis of a mystery illness which Burnley believes is the result of his heavy drinking throughout his life. Let’s analyze the lyrics and then I will give my take on what the song actually means to me:

I have nothing left to give

I have found the perfect end

You were made to make it hurt

Disappear into the dirt

Carry me to heaven's arms

Light the way and let me go

Take the time to take my breath

I will end where I began

In verse one, an individual admits they feel there is nothing left for them to contribute to society and thinks he may have found the seamless solution for his troubles. Right out of the gate I think this person is clearly thinking suicidal thoughts and is already in a devastating depression that has affected their life negatively. In lines three and four, he admits that a person has deeply hurt him, and he simply wants to “disappear into earth’—an allegory for death. In the second half of verse one, he goes even further asking the person who seriously hurt him to just end his life and send him to heaven. However, in the last two stanzas, he indicates he wants the death to be slow, and alludes to the circle of life theory. Thus far we know there is an unhappy and downright depressed man who has been maligned seriously be another person and just wants to end his life.

And I will find the enemy within

Because I can feel it crawl beneath my skin

In the pre-chorus, this person says they “will find the enemy within”; Agony simply defined is extreme physical or mental suffering, which fulfills this description in line one of the pre-chorus. When a person is filled with agony, their emotions and physical body begin to suffer immensely often to a point that they can feel it crawling throughout their body (see line two).

Dear Agony

Just let go of me

Suffer slowly

Is this the way it's got to be?

Dear Agony

In chorus one, he wants the agony to disappear and to let go of the vice grip that it has on his daily life. Agony often causes a person to suffer slowly because of the mental anguish it produces. This person begins questioning life and wondering why agony must override his emotions and everything he attempts to do.

Dear Agony

Just let go of me

Suffer slowly

Is this the way it's got to be?

Don't bury me

Faceless enemy

I'm so sorry

Is this the way it's gotta be?

Dear Agony

In chorus two, he reiterates the same feelings from chorus one in the first four lines. However, there is more context to this chorus than the first one. In line five, he admits that he does not want to die just yet as he contradicts his earlier feeling of wanting to disappear into the earth. Unlike verse one, he also indicts that the enemy he is combatting does not have an actual face and is perhaps not even human—another visual of agony punishing an individual. At the end of chorus two, he once again questions life and why he is suffering so much.

Suddenly

The lights go out

Let forever

Drag me down

I will fight for one last breath

I will fight until the end

After a powerful instrumental chorus, the melody of the song returns to a depressing tone before the next chorus hits. In verse two, all hope is fading and is drained from him as the lights suddenly go out in a simply flick. Agony has taken a full toll on this person however he is fighting all the way to the end to their final breath and notes life isn’t over for them just yet.

Leave me alone

God let me go

I'm blue and cold

Black sky will burn

Love pull me down

Hate lift me up

Just turn around

There's nothing left

After a reprise of the pre-chorus and both choruses, the bridge enters on a high note with a solid guitar rhythm. As the bridge progresses, the instruments begin to quiet down allowing the listener to focus in on what is being sung. Line one indicates to the audience that he wants the agony plaguing him to disappear and hit the road. In fact, he even makes an appeal to God asking his creator to end his life so this affliction will finally go away for good. “I’m blue and cold” refers to symptoms of depression and feeling inadequate to handling daily life tasks. The next line is referring to the fact that despite being in atmosphere that is dark and full of void, everything around him is finally burning to pieces as his life continues to falter. Since no one was there to help him in this depressing phase of his life, hatred is beginning to fill his mind and attitude towards life. In fact, it is at this point in life that there is truly nothing left as no one is there for him and agony has finally reached a tipping point.

Somewhere far beyond this world

I feel nothing anymore

As the instruments simmer down into a soft tone, this part of the bridge shows the pain has finally subdued and this person is another realm outside of this world.

I feel nothing anymore

The ending of this song indicates once again this person feels nothing anymore and all the pain and agony that was burdening him is finally gone.

Breaking Benjamin is a heavy rock band that has many songs that hit on this theme of depressing lyrics that are relatable to listeners’ lives. In ‘Dear Agony’, this person is clearly demonstrating they are hurting and feel alienated by the pain caused either by a person or depression itself. In my opinion, I think Burnley is referring to his mysterious illness known as Wernicke's encephalopathy, a neurological disorder that affects a person’s mind. While this disease is rare and mysterious, one of the causes that is attributed to contracting this disease is chronic alcoholism, which is something Burnley battled throughout his life. This album was written when he was finally sober for the first time in his life, and this song may represent this disease and how it has afflicted him emotionally and physically.

‘Dear Agony’ can take on many different meanings for a variety of listeners’, which is common for any song. This song is my favorite from Breaking Benjamin because its message is something that is relatable to what I often deal in my own personal life and is a great song to listen to on rough days.