It's a new year, which calls for new ideas, healthy thoughts, more goals, and improvements. I'm not going to be a new person this year. I wish to be the same, flawed person I was in 2018. If there's one thing I learned in 2018, it's self-acceptance. I was too hard on myself for even the littlest things. When I should have given myself a free pass, I didn't. When I shouldn't have given myself a free pass, I did.
I had it all messed up. As the year progressed, my thoughts and words gradually became incoherent. I spent a whole semester alone for the most part, and it was eye-opening. I socialized less, spoke less, and cared less. When it came to academics, I worked hard and cared. But when it came to me, I looked away. I was too disappointed I myself to allow myself a free pass.
2018 taught me that I wasn't what I said or thought I was. 2018 taught me that I can be reckless with my actions, hurtful words, and carelessness. My lack of emotion and attachment to people made me feel sick.
2018 taught me that I'm growing; that I'm becoming an independent adult. 2018 taught me to turn bittersweet memories into beautiful nostalgia.
People made me question myself, but I was one of those people. I learned why people always preach the importance of self-love and self-acceptance. You become a miserable, empty space without that. I learned to hug myself and tell myself "you're doing great."
So,
Dear 2019,
I'll give you chances. Endlessly. I'll give myself chances to recover, become, try, and accomplish. I will never question my art the way I did in the past. I will allow myself to grieve when I am hurt. I will allow myself to cry and not scream at myself after showing myself as weak. I will surround myself with people who are challenging, teaching, and growing with me. I will end anything that picks my mind negatively. I will be better for myself.
Although I am the same person I was last year, I want you to take your time to teach me more about myself and my worth.
Please be good to my friends and family. Please be good to those who are suffering, struggling, or simply breathing. Be good to us and shed knowledge, light, and growth upon each one of us.
Yours,
Priska
