Dear 10-year-old me,
I wish I could tell you that you are going to experience one of the most painful events before you could even hit your 17th birthday and your junior year of high school. Losing your one and only parent that has ever been there for you and having to witness it first hand for weeks. I wish I could tell you that you are going to move to six different schools and three different towns before you graduate. I wish I could tell you that your crippling depression and suicidal thoughts will hospitalize you at age 15 and you will be sent to a children's hospital for four months. I wish I could tell you that after all those nights over the past few years you've spent wondering about your birth mom and other siblings, that you will find them a few months before you graduate. I wish I could tell you to not put your mom on such a high pedestal, because in the end, you just end up hurt. I wish I could tell you that not all your siblings are going to want to talk to you and have a relationship with you but you will eventually move on. I wish I could tell you about all the hours in therapy that you will spend talking about your life and crying about it. I wish I could tell you about all the nights you will spend crying yourself to sleep because you don't feel worthy, important, or loved enough to stay alive. I wish I could tell you that you will feel broken and damaged for years to come. I wish I could tell you that your "family" will disown you because you chose to leave them to better yourself. I wish I could tell you that all your "family" can do is talk about how you'll end up on the street doing drugs. I wish I could tell you about all the "couch hopping" you will do a year before you graduate. I wish I could tell you about all the friends you will loose in your life due to so many of those events.
But I wish I could also tell you that you are going to meet so many amazing people that will eventually become your friends, supporters, and family. I wish I could tell you that you will still be best friends with your best friend who moved away and not to worry. I wish I could tell you that you are going to have so many days where you laugh so hard that you will cry. I wish I could tell you that you'll be so excited when you get your first car and your drivers license and you'll feel like a total boss. I wish I could tell you that you are going to find some of the most amazing and influencing teachers that become your mentors. I wish I could tell you that you'll have one of the most amazing brothers on the earth who will be there for you no matter what and make you laugh so hard you snort and wheeze. I wish I could tell you that your brother is going to give you some of the best advice in the world. I wish I could tell you that so many people will be proud of you no matter what you think of yourself. I wish I could tell you that you will graduate and not to worry about it because it will be one of the most amazing moments of your life. I wish I could tell you that eventually, everything will be okay and that you just have to trust your instincts. I wish I could tell you to enjoy every moment and never take anything for granted. I wish I could go back in time and tell you this in person.
Dear 10-year-old me,
You are going to be alright, you are going to make it, and you are going to be loved by so many.
With all my love,
19-year-old me
