Sometimes I find myself completely convinced that there's something wrong with me. There would have to be for me to feel the need to check out as deeply as I sometimes do, right? I, like many people I know, find myself spending hours on a Netflix binge. Sometimes I spend whole days, weekends, maybe even weeks if the conditions are right. I will get so sucked into whatever show or series I am watching that I start to dream about, think about it when I'm not watching, or consider what my life would be if I were a part of the world that the characters live in, sometimes I consider what the characters would think of me if they met me. I freely admit that whenever I go on a run, hit the gym, or climb onto my yoga mat I remind myself that I am working out so that I will be hot enough to hook up with Dean Winchester. The problem is that Dean Winchester is not real.

I think that the problem, for me, is that for some reason I have the need to check out. I need to become heavily invested in fictional characters because it allows me to gloss over whatever is going on in my real life. It seems to me that the grass is always greener on the other side, so why would I not want to travel the country with the Winchester brothers and help them hunt ghosts and demons? I like to think that Castiel and I would have a very special bond. Why would I not derail my own educational plans so that I can attend medical school and someday work in a hospital and have the life that Meredith Grey has? It makes total sense to me to move to rural Georgia so that I can find my own version of Daryl Dixon when the zombie apocalypse occurs. All of that would obviously serve me better than enjoying the beautiful things in my own life, such as my children, my husband, my friends, and the beautiful sunshine that I would see if only I could get off of the couch.

I can assure you all that when I take a step back, I realize very clearly that nothing is more important than what's happening right now. When I finish watching each new series and I process it, I realize that I just lost precious hours. I squandered precious days. I have neglected to do things that would have brought me infinitely more satisfaction than watching TV. At the end of each day, I feel better if I have actually gotten up and done things (be it going to work, going for a run, hitting a yoga class, taking my kids to the park, or even reading voraciously) than I do if I spend the day in front of the TV. So why is it that I continue to invest myself in a Dean Winchester who doesn't even know I exist? I say again, for some reason I find myself feeling the need to check out. Maybe I get overwhelmed. Maybe I love my children so much that it scares me. Maybe I am intimidated by how much I love my husband. Maybe I have too much homework. Maybe I care too much about my job. Maybe I'm lonely and I like the feeling that I know someone as well as I know the characters in the shows I watch.

Whatever my reasons, I am sure I'm not alone. There are memes on Facebook, there are T-shirts, there are statistics and there are plenty of articles all written about T.V. and Netflix binges. If this were a behavior specific to me, I don't think anyone would be writing about it. I'm too busy watching Dean Winchester to be that interesting. My point is that if people feel the continual need to check out, if people are willing to sacrifice so much of the one thing we can't get back-time- then something is very wrong. If so many of us find life so dissatisfying that we need to find our satisfaction in the lives of fictional characters, then something has to give. Happiness, in my ideal world, would come from tangible sources. I believe that it should come from moments and experiences that I am actually having, not from the moments and experiences that I watch fictional characters have while I sit, lethargic, on my couch. If I am striving to be a joy-seeker, then can I really say that I am doing it if I am seeking joy through the exploits of T.V. characters? Probably not. I don't really have a conclusion. I don't know the solution to this. I know that something needs to change but is it me or is it the world around me? Do I set limits for myself, such as no more than one hour per day spent at the television? I need to know how this works because Dean Winchester is not real and I don't want to spend too much more of my time wishing that he was.