Dealing With Jealousy And Envy
Entertainment

Dealing With Jealousy And Envy

Know the difference, and how to handle them without hurting anyone.

203
Photo by Chinh Le Duc on Unsplash

Usually I hear people use the word “jealousy” for all kinds of resentment, but I’ve noticed that there are actually two kinds: jealousy, and envy. Although they feel similar, it is important to recognize the key differences between jealousy and envy, because each requires different actions and thought processes in order to alleviate them.

The Difference between Jealousy and Envy

Jealousy is resentment that comes from a fear of loss. You have something, and you fear that someone else will take it, and so you are jealous of that someone.

Envy is resentment that comes from a desire to gain. Someone else has something that you do not have, and you want that thing, and so you are envious of that someone.

Sometimes, it can be difficult to tell what exactly you are feeling, because the two feelings are very similar and sometimes come hand in hand. For example, if you notice that a friend of yours is spending more time with someone else than you, you might feel either jealous or envious. You’re jealous because you’re afraid of losing your status as “friend” to this other person, or you’re envious because you want to have as good of a relationship with your friend as this other person seems to. You might even be both jealous and envious at the same time.

It is vital that you identify whether you are feeling jealousy, envy, or both, so that you can handle your feelings in an appropriate way, one that will help you to feel better without hurting anyone else.

Dealing with Jealousy

If you are feeling jealous, take a moment to answer two questions: what exactly it is that you fear to lose, and why do you think that someone is in a position to take it from you? Take steps to assess the actual level of threat. How likely is it that you are going to lose the thing that you are afraid of losing?

If what you fear to lose is a person, it may help to communicate your concerns to them. You are not a mind reader, and you might be unaware of other factors in this person’s life that would explain why they are keeping a distance from you at the moment. It is also important to remind yourself that you cannot claim ownership of other people.

If what you fear to lose is a job, do some brainstorming. To help yourself feel more secure in your position, think about the things that you uniquely contribute to your role. Consider asking a coworker or leader for feedback on your performance and ways that you can improve.

You feel jealous because something matters to you and you don't want to lose it, but hurting or limiting other people will not help you to stop feeling jealous. Try to think about the people around you as trying to succeed in their own right instead of trying to take something from you. The world is large enough for both you and them to be happy in it!

Dealing with Envy

If you are feeling envious, here are the questions to answer: what exactly is it that you want, and is it in fact something that you could one day have?

If the answer to the latter question is no, then you have a new question to answer: why can you not have it? Is it a person with their own agency and ability to make decisions about who they interact with, or a lifestyle that you were not born into? Sometimes recognizing why you cannot “have” something can alleviate the stress of envy. It also helps to reframe the way you think about the person who has what you don’t. Try to turn “I envy you” into “I am happy for you.” It isn’t easy, but it does help.

If the answer to the “could I one day have it” question is yes, come up with a game plan for how you can get it, or something like it, without bringing other people down. It’s good to be an ambitious go-getter, but not so good to be a bully or a thief. If you want more friends, find events in your community that you can go to and meet people at. If you want a promotion, do some networking and learn what skills you need to develop.

You feel envious because you want something, and hurting other people who have that thing will not make you stop feeling envious. If you want something, work for it! Try to think about the people around you as sources of advice and aid instead of as obstacles in your way. You never know what you might learn from someone or from your experiences as you work towards a goal.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Taylar Banks

May 25, 2020: the day that will forever be remembered as the day George Floyd lost his life at the hands of cops.

The day that systematic racism again reared its head at full force in 2020.

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

These 17 Black-Owned Businesses Ship Baked Goods, Rosé, And Even Fried Chicken Nationwide

Eat your way through this country's greatest food — from your couch.

Call it the easily bored Gemini in me, but I'm constantly looking for new food to try. Usually, travel quenches my taste for new and exciting cuisines, but given the fact that international travel is not always a possibility, I've begun exploring alternatives.

In the interest of wanting to support the Black community and Black-owned businesses, and also wanting to try some of the country's greatest food without having to get off my couch, I started off (pessimistically) doing research, only to find that the options were vast.

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

24 Beauty And Style Brands Donating To The Fight To End Police Brutality Against Black People

From small, boutique brands to legacy fashion brands.

The worlds of beauty and fashion often collide, whether for good or bad. In both, underrepresentation has always been, and remains to be, a major unresolved issue. After the recent killing of George Floyd, many people are rightfully enraged, compounded by the fact his death in police custody wasn't an isolated incident.

Police brutality against Black people is not new, and isn't going away till we start dedicating resources to fighting it. Many of us, as individuals, have only begun in the last week scratching the surface of what it means to educate ourselves on race, historical race relations, and how to be an ally to the Black community.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

Feel A Lil' Better: Because You Can Still Connect While Disconnecting From Social Media

Your weekly wellness boost from Odyssey.

No matter how good (or bad) you'd describe your health, one thing is for sure: a little boost is ALWAYS a good idea. Whether that's reading a new, motivating book, or listening to a song that speaks to your soul, there are plenty of resources to help your health thrive on any given day.

I don't know if you've heard, but there's a lot going on right now, particularly in relation to George Floyd's death, Black Lives Matter, and public protest of racial injustice in the United States. While we can all agree that this deserves conversations, change, and actionable good, social media arguments with Great Aunt Linda are not where social change begins and ends. Spending too much time scrolling through your phone has never been healthy, but now it's even more addicting — what does that one person from my hometown say about this? How can I further education within discussions? Am I posting enough?

Keep Reading... Show less

I don't know about you, but reading is at the top of my to-do list this summer... especially with all the social distancing I'll still be doing. If, like me, you're hoping to pick up a romantic page-turner (or a couple dozen), here are 23 romance novels by Black authors you'll absolutely LOVE reading.

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

22 Black-Owned Etsy Shops With The Perfect Gifts For Everyone In Your Life — Including You

Treat yourself and your loved ones while supporting Black creatives and artisans.

R-KI-TEKT, Pontie Wax, Lovely Earthlings, and blade + bloom on Etsy

The world is taking action against the injustices and under-representation plaguing Black lives, and one small but impactful thing you can do to actively make a difference is support Black-owned businesses.

Etsy is likely one of your go-to sites for gift-buying, but have you ever paid attention to which independent artists and sellers you're buying from?

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

True Self-Care Is HARD, That Face Mask Isn't Actually Going To Solve Your Problems

There's a line between self-care and self-destruction.

Anyone who hasn't been living under a rock for the past few years has seen something somewhere about self-care whether it was on Facebook, Twitter, or their Instagram feed. Oftentimes it's pictures of celebrities or influencers sipping green smoothies or slathering on mud masks with #selfcare. It's posts like these that made me realize that "self-care" has become the ultimate buzz word, soaring in popularity but in the process, it's lost most of its original meaning. It's time to set the record straight and reclaim the term.

Although self-care has been around for quite some time, within the past few years it's been misconstrued and commodified as our capitalist society tends to do with things it thinks can be profited off. Self-care is now being peddled as something that can be bought and sold on the shelf at Target rather than something that takes real work to achieve. This fake self-care movement is not only enabling people to over-indulge themselves, but it has created a crutch for people to avoid the responsibility of taking true care of themselves. Instead of doing the work that needs to be done, many people fall into the trap of rewarding themselves for doing nothing at all — this can quickly become an unhealthy coping mechanism, especially with corporations cheering us on (to buy their next product). Long, hard day at work? Just grab your third iced coffee of the day! Fight with your SO? Buy that 50-dollar face mask, it'll make you feel better! This is how self-care becomes self-sabotage and self-destructive.

Keep Reading... Show less

Minorities are consistently under-represented in our day-to-day lives, notably in the world of fashion. It's likely you're looking for a way to support black artists. Whether that's the case or you're just a fashion-lover in general, these brands aren't just some of the best black-owned fashion brands — they're some of the most innovative brands of our time, period.

From luxury staples to fun accessories and loungewear, these brands aren't just stunning names you should definitely be following on Instagram, each honors the founder's roots in unique ways with the power of storytelling through artistic expression that manifests in pieces we can't wait to wear.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments