Depression? What is the first thing you think when someone who is close to you tells you that they have depression? What are the first words out of your mouth? Do you even take them seriously? Is this just another excuse?
Living with depression as an eighteen-year-old is hard. You're expected to be a person, with a complete plan for the future and the work ethic to work your way out of college. You promise yourself you are going to do all these great things, that tomorrow, next week, next month everything will be better. It will be different. You will be what everyone wants you to be. That college student with a grasp on life and the work ethic to pull you out of any hard time. Right? Don't want to be a lazy confused millennial, do you?
Depression is more than you think. it is more than a fake feeling. It is more than just being sad and pondering the thoughts of life. It is more than just an excuse. Just because you've never had it, felt it, or even know it, doesn't mean you should so quickly undermine its existence.
It involves sitting in front of a blank screen, head full of words but no way to put them out. You can't describe the pain your in because it is too dramatic. You feel like the world is closing in, but to people on the outside that is just simply ridiculous. The bed you are laying in seems like the only place you can be alone. Everyone's whispers are about you. You never believe anything you do is good enough. Every wasted attempt is just another inevitable failure. What's the point of going on in this life if I can't do anything? If I'm not worth anything. And then the subject of suicide comes in.
Everyone asks, why would you ever say that? What do you mean you want to die? How could you want to die when there are so many great things? How could you do that to your family? You are selfish. You cannot do that.
And you stop for a moment, after hearing all of these things. Hearing them all call your feelings over dramatic, broken, and wrong, makes you wonder... Are these feelings even real? Should I even be having these feelings? Maybe it was fake after all. Maybe it was just my excuse.
The cycle starts again and still no one understands. They just want you to get better. They want you to fix yourself. Because your obviously broken.
College is hard, it's a transition of life where you move out on your own and take classes on what you think you want to do in the future. The world, your parents, and even your friends, make it seem like this part in your life will matter the most. If I can't do well now, then I'm in for a shitty ride.
BUT. That is not true. College is a small part of your life, and it is a part that is not for everyone. It can help you learn and grow and possibly find a place where you want to spend the rest of your life working in. But what happens here does not have to define you. You are not subject to it and the people in it. No one owns you, and you do not owe anyone your time. Especially if that time makes you hurt.
Your depression, your feeling, they are valid.
My depression is valid. I am clinically depressed. I have felt sucidal. Because I was not good enough for the world. What was I even worth? Nothing?
It took theraphy and time to realize that this isn't the all end. I am allowed to take time to have a break. I am allowed to work on me first. My feelings are valid. I am not over dramatic. And I am worth something.
Take the time to understand those around you who are sad. They don't have to have depression or anxiety for you to be able to sympathize. You don't need to understand. You just need to accept. It is the first step to truly helping them, and even yourself.
Listen. Learn. Love.
