One night, I had been really struggling with internal battles that drove me to the point of bitterness and anger. The lies that crept into my mind began to cultivate within me, and my spite grew. These lies spoke of personal unworthiness, failure, inadequacy, and shame for the life I live. I wanted to punch a wall. I wanted to scream and curse the world for all the evil that it brought upon me. I was just wishing that life were different.
That whole day actually seemed to feel this way. The day was full of anger. Every little thing bothered me. If I made one little mistake, I would be enraged. If my cat rubbed against me one more time, I would throw her across the room. If my phone hesitated to work one more time, I would smash it with a hammer. I was that angry...and I didn't really know why…
It amazes me that the smallest reminders can cause old wounds to be ripped open and, boy, do they hurt. Through the agony of past hurts, I have learned that anger can be unleashed. Sometimes my thoughts can turn into words like “How could they have done this to me?” or “They will pay.” In those moments, I feel darkness creeping in. Other personal fears start to take over. The light in my heart begins to fade, and I begin to doubt the faithfulness that was promised to me long ago: the faithfulness of the Father.
The next morning, He spoke words of Love into my hurting soul. In the stillness, I chose to sit and be with Him. It was in that moment that He reminded me of His promises. He reminded me that His true Love has set me free.
The truth is, people are going to hurt you. Disappointment is definitely something that you will face. How will you choose to handle these things? For me, I have learned to stop and take a moment to see the beauty that is already within my grasp. I have learned that being with the Lord in the stillness opens your heart to hear of His goodness and to understand the immeasurable blessings that He has placed in your life.
I hope that when you have a moment of anger that you will turn to Beauty. To me, there is nothing more beautiful than the kind words of the Father. When I decided to sit with Him that morning, I felt my hardened heart begin to soften. After being with Him, it was as if any anger ceased to exist within me.
This reminded me of Walt Disney’s Beauty and the Beast. As Belle sacrificed to stay with the Beast in his castle, her kindness began to slowly undo his bitterness. As the Beast spent time with her, his angry and quick-tempered personae began to melt away. We come to learn that the Beast’s anger only subsided when he was exposed to Belle’s beauty. We come to learn that not only did it subside, but it ceased to exist.
In the end, we learn that only Beauty can tame the beast.
These were the words that the Father spoke to me that morning:
“Allow me to cultivate a patience inside your heart. It's okay...you are not ready, but it's okay. I love you. I know you are frustrated and that you are angry with me. It is understandable, my darling...that is, when you look to others. The world will fail you, but I never will. Remember that. The world will tell you to believe in yourself, but I tell you to believe in me. Do not worry about how you have been hurt by men, directors, technology, judges, or others. Their actions are unimportant. Mine are. Open your beautiful green eyes and let me lead you down a path of peace....a path of no anger or frustration. A path of joy that fills your heart. I promise that I will not leave you nor forsake you. Life may not seem like it makes sense at times, but it does. Trust me. I have you in the palm of my hand. You do not need to fear. I am holding you close. Listen to my heartbeat of faithfulness. I will be forever faithful to you, my darling. Continue to dream big dreams. Trust in me with them. I will use your dreams for good, regardless of if they become realities. They will, if you choose to develop a God-confidence in your life. Life is good. Life is beautiful. Take a look around you and see my creation. Daughter, I love you. Do not fret or be angry. I am with you. I give you comfort. Silence those lies and remember the truth...
I have set you free.”
I believe that true beauty can only be seen when you expose yourself to the Father. Tell Him what is on your heart. Do not be afraid to draw close to Him. Let His beauty tame the beast within.
