Sometimes, divorce just happens. We live in an age where the divorce rates are high and the number of long-term marriages are low. Sometimes that "forever after" we see in Disney movies as kids stays in the movies. Not to say that there are no happily married couples in the world, but the inevitable fact is that there are still divorces. Wiith these divorces, there are children/teens/young adults involved. I know that's hard, and I know it's a touchy subject, but you can get through it.
I'd like to start off with a list of things I'd like you to know.
1. You are not alone. Talk to Someone.
There are many children worldwide that go through the struggle of a parent's divorce every year. No matter how much you feel like you are alone and have nobody to talk to, just know that there are many people that can relate to your story. You never should have to feel like you are alone. I have seen my fair share of divorces, whether it be in my family or in my friends' families. I always felt the need to keep to myself, telling myself that nobody knew what I was going through. Nobody knew the pain that I felt. The more I started opening up to people about it, the more people I found that had been through it, as well. It was nice to talk to someone and have someone be able to relate to your struggles. It is a sensitive time in your life, and nobody should have to deal with it alone.
2. If you feel like you can't talk to anyone you know, it's okay to go to therapy.
Yes, it is. I've been. When you are going through a hard time in your life, it can be hard to talk to someone that knows you. Therapy is always an option, and do not ever feel embarrassed or bad because you chose to go. Therapy helps, and those people are there to comfort you and give you advice. When you talk to a therapist, they get your side of the story, and not either one of your parent's biased side: only yours. They can help you based on what you have chosen to tell them. With that being said, do not feel like there is anything you can not tell them. They need to know exactly how you feel and exactly what is going on. They can not do their job effectively if you choose to neglect the whole situation. Think of them as a friend, and it will all come easier.
3. It's okay to cry.
No matter how big and tough you think you are, sometimes letting out a little tear can help you to come to peace with the situation. I'm not talking about locking yourself in your room and crying for days, refusing to go outside. I'm talking about just a good sit down cry. Crying is a good way to release all the built up emotion that you have running through your body, and it for sure beats being aggressive and breaking things because you are angry. You don't have to share it with anyone. You can just go sit down with you and your thoughts, and let it out. It's never good to leave all that emotion bottled up.
4. Just because your parents split up does not mean that they love you any less.
When I was younger, I thought that the parent who I spent the most time with only spent the most time with me because they loved me more. That is not true. Sometimes, it is hard to work out a 50/50 divorce. It all depends on the location of the two parents, the location of the child's school, healthcare needs, and so on. Sometimes it is possible to spend equal time with the parents, sometimes it isn't, and you have to be prepared for that. Your parents love you and they want the absolute best for you.
5. Sometimes, one parent goes astray.
I have heard it and seen it before. Sometimes when a couple splits, one disappears and goes off to make a new life. I have friends who have had a parent walk out of their life after the divorce was final. What you need to understand is that it is their loss. To have a child is a responsibility. To take care of a child is a responsibility. Too often though, a parent chooses to walk away from that responsibility. If they have the audacity to walk away, you should eventually know that they are only missing out on a beautiful opportunity. The fault is no one's but theirs, and they will have to live with that decision for the rest of their lives. You have too much self-worth, and you are too precious for someone to walk away from you. I hope you know that you will always deserve better.
6. Confront your parents about your feelings.
Your parents know you better than anyone else. They raised you, didn't they? When you have had time to analyze how you feel and decide how you are to cope with the issue at hand, it is best to tell them how you feel. It is always important for your parents to know that you love them. Divorce is hard for them, too. They will also breathe better knowing that you are okay and that you will be there for them just as much as they will be for you. Do not be shy. Tell them how it is. I've always said that sugar-coating things hurts worse than telling the truth in the long run.
7. Not all step parents are evil.
Unlike what Disney chooses to show you, sometimes your step parents will be the best thing that ever happened to you. Don't think that they are there to steal your parent or that they could potentially replace one parent all together. People move on, and people are allowed to get remarried. You will still always have that special connection with your birth parents, but more parents means more love. You get to know your step family, and they get to know you. It's kinda like Kindergarten all over again, where you have to learn so many new things. Also, from step parents comes step siblings. And let me tell you, I love my step siblings. So much so that sometimes I forget that they are not blood related to me. I am close to both of my step parents and my other step parents before those. The way I see it, i just have a great big huge family, and they all love me just the same.
To those who need a little comfort in their life, I hope this helped. My experiences with divorce have been good, and they have been bad. You have to accept the fact that it is happening. And never, I mean never everfeel like it is your fault. Shake it off, breathe, give it time, and I promise you will make it through it.
