Sometimes when I'm having a bad day or need a pick me up I daydream.
I could daydream all day. I daydream in the car, in my room, in the shower and often times in public. Bizarre fantasies roll out of my head. Unrealistic situations unfold before my eyes. And I even sometimes mumble improvised lines out loud when I think they've stayed silent in my head. I've been caught doing just that on more than one occasion. Fortunately, it's been by a family member or close friend who already knows I'm weird.
For many years I thought that I was just an imaginative kid playing dress up or playing out my dreams on a big imaginary stage, but once I entered my teens I realized that my friends probably didn't sit in their room accepting water bottles as an Oscar, and thanking all their fans in the mirror. Some of you might think daydreaming is normal, and it is. My daydreams, however, feel like reality and create an almost an euphoric feeling. These daydreams of mine are and continue to be an addictive-like escape. I enjoy creating in my head and playing out scenarios in the safehaven of my mind. I get to travel as far as I want, be anyone I want, all while never leaving my room. These adventures, for the most part, never leave my room or personal area like my car. But as I've gotten older I feel that my daydreams are more than just silly "what-ifs" I play out. I think they are my goals and hopes that I feel can't leave my room.
I've always been shy about my true goals. I'm always afraid to tell someone in case I don't follow through, or worse, fail. If I do finally share a goal or hope, I can be so dramatic about it as a way to protect myself from any rejection. It's like I place myself on a stage to shout my hopes and dreams and the orchestra pit protects me from any real-world rejection.
My daydreams are safe in my head. I can go back to them whenever I want and change them in anyway to perfectly fit a situation. No, I probably won't find Leonardo DiCaprio sitting in the living room of my house talking to my dad about the very real threat on global warming. But in my daydreams he's there and I freak out, sheepishly asking for a photo. And I probably won't run into Julian Edelman at our local Starbucks where I'll turn 50 shades of red when we cross paths, but in my daydreams it could happen. Yet, writing a book, or traveling the world, those are also daydreams I've had--those could happen. The only thing stopping them from making their way out is, me.
I've been working on this fear of my for a long time and part of the purpose of this article is just to put that out in the universe. To acknowledge my fear. I believe once something is acknowledged or admitted as a problem the real work can begin. I have dreams and hopes that someday can become attainable goals. Heck, today they could! I just have to step out of the way. Maybe I can't travel to Ireland today or write an entire memoir, but tomorrow sure looks promising. In the meantime my daydreams will stay alive and well in my head, but I'm going to continuing working on bringing them out more in order to fulfill their true potential.
