It is that time of year once again. The days get longer and hotter. It is finally summer. You know it's too hot when you start to sweat just walking from the car to your work place. So like every Midwest girl out there, we grab some sunscreen, a swimsuit, your friends and head to the nearest river to float down in peaceful bliss. Below is the timetable of a typical float trip.
7:00 a.m.: The campground neighbors begin to blast music. It is time to wake up, begrudgingly.
7:01 a.m.: Roll over and try to grab another hour of sleep.
9:15 a.m.: Alarm goes off. Time to wake up.
10:15 a.m.: Pack the cooler with water, beer and snacks. Take your first shot and then brush your teeth.
10:30 a.m.: The bus has arrived to take you to the start point of your 9.5 mile long float.
10:45 a.m.: make friends with your friendly co-passengers who have been drinking for the past hour. Gladly take swigs from their outstretched bottles.
11:00 a.m.: Make it into the raft. Hurriedly apply sunscreen and crack open that first beer.
12:00 p.m.: Stop off at a sandbank, eat your lunch, open your next beer.
12:30 p.m.: Reassume your position on the raft, realize that you're starting to burn, apply more sunscreen in hopes of not looking like a lobster.
2:00 p.m.: Realize that applying more sunscreen was futile. You are now really burnt.
2:15 p.m.: Time to take a quick nap and then rally.
3:00 p.m.: After falling into the river and/or being pushed into the river, you begin to wonder when the float is going to end. How long have we been out here? How many miles have we floated? Don't ask anyone else on the river, because they also have no idea.
3:15 p.m.: Ask nearby people if they know how much longer... they also don't know. Grab your last beer, in hopes that the ride ends relatively soon. Reapply sunscreen.
4:00 p.m.: After five hours, the beer is finally gone and everyone starts to drink water. You and your friends begin to ask nearby floaters if they have beer. They also don't have any. Everyone groans.
6:00 p.m.: The end is in sight and you hurriedly begin to clean up the raft that is littered with bottles and empty chip bags.
6:15 p.m.: You finally step on solid ground with sopping wet clothes. Legs and shoulders are totally not burnt whatsoever.
6:30 p.m.: Back at the campsite, you roast hot dogs and marshmallows. Aloe takes a permanent spot in you lap for the remainder of your trip.
Congratulations, you have survived another year of floating with some great people!