Honestly, being an actual fully-functioning adult has always scared me. I still feel like a child even though I've lived away from my family for a few years now. I still call my mom when I need advice, when I need help on my taxes, or when there's a phone call I really, really don't want to make. However, being an actual fully-functioning adult is more daunting than ever now.
When I was younger, I always thought that being an adult would be wonderful. I would be able to drive, I would be able to live away from home, and I would be able to have an awesome job. I was excited to move away, to be in college, and to be independent. Everything my mom did seemed so much cooler when I was younger because I loved the idea of being responsible for myself. I did not realize that with growing up came stress about all of those things I thought would be so cool.
Right now, I have a very important internship and another job on top of my classes. It is my last semester of my undergraduate studies, but I need to save up money for after school because I am currently not sure what I will be doing after graduation. I have applied to graduate school, I have looked into job opportunities for this summer, and I have debated on whether or not I will stay in my current location or move away.
Under all of that, though, I am still learning to be an adult. I've been thinking about finding a doctor and a dentist outside of my hometown. I haven't successfully made myself any kind of appointment yet, but I'm working up to that. There is so much that I still need to learn; it is unbelievable to me that to the world, I am an adult.
Being in college has sheltered me from what being a "real" adult entails. You still live with people, so it isn't as difficult in that aspect. Most of the time you don't pay rent, because you can put it on your tuition. You still go home to see family during breaks and you are still reliant on them for income sometimes.
Most of us have been in this place. From the time you are 18 to when you are 21, time seems like it's at a stand-still. You are still reliant on your family for support and advice, but you feel more independent than you have ever felt. You don't want to give up the comfort of your home with your family and the friends you once had, but you also feel like moving away could be the best thing to happen to you. You learn to be reliant on yourself instead of your comfort, which is a nice feeling but a strange one.
Then people start to leave again at the end of your college career, and you don't feel like you want to start over again. You don't feel like you want to give up everything that you so recently got used to. The new college best friends, the new social scene, the new home, and most importantly the new comfort. Everything developed so fast and you don't want it to leave again. Last time you left, it felt like you chose it. Now it feels like it was shoved down your throat.
Adulthood is daunting. It really is. You never really know how to function as an adult when you go through college because you are in between support systems. You are in between two different parts of your life, and it feels scary to have to leave this emotional limbo as you move on to becoming a "real" adult.
Eventually, we all learn. Our parents learned, our grandparents learned, we will learn. Being a "real" adult only seems hard because we haven't taken that first step. But when we do, we won't be able to help falling right in.
