When it comes to children of divorce, especially when one parent is no longer in the picture, there are many things that need to be unveiled in order for people to understand what goes on in the child's mind and how that impacts their feelings. The biggest impact comes years after the abandonment, especially when it comes to serious romantic relationships. Loving a girl with abandonment issues is hard. She does not want to be known as the girl with the abandonment problem, but there will always be something there that is holding her back. If you learn how to love her, she will love you back with all of her heart and more. If there is one thing I can promise you, the journey may not be easy, but in the end, it will be worth it.
Trust is one of the hardest things a girl with abandonment issues can learn to do. She lost someone so close to her heart that it is hard for her to fully let anyone into her life. She fears you will break the trust she instills in you. When she tells you what happened to her, please do not break it off right away. It took a lot of courage for her to do so. She is used to people leaving her. You have to remember that trust is earned, not given. It is not that she does not want to trust you, because she does. On more than one occasion she will try to push you away and out of her life. Whether it is the first or the 10th time, do not let her win; prove to her that you are in it for the long run, prove to her that you will love her. Once you earn her trust, and break down the final wall she has put up, she will love you like no one else.
We will speak our minds. Unfortunately, a lot of this will be taken out on you. When we don't get the attention we know we deserve, we are sure to say something about it. We have learned that talking is one of the only ways to feel better. We need reassurance. We need to feel loved and wanted. If not, the wall will continue to go up and down, and we will have no problem blocking you out if it prevents us from getting hurt. Talking helps us tackle our problems and find a solution. We will always be in doubt and think too deeply into things. Please don't confuse wanting to be loved and appreciated with being needy, because there is a difference. She is looking to confide in you, not annoy you with her problems.
Be a man of your word, a man who listens and a man with constant patience. You need to do more than just talk the talk; you need to walk the walk. The words you say need to be combined with actions. She has received empty promises, and they are damaging. When you say you are going to do something, do it; it will help with her ability to trust you. You will help the healing in her heart, and for that, she will be forever grateful. When she asks you questions, don't be annoyed with her. She is trying to get to know every aspect of you: What makes you smile, what makes you sad, what makes you mad. It is her way to explore and imagine different possibilities. She has so many unanswered questions. Open up to her, and let her get to know you; this way it will be that much easier for her to learn how to trust you. Loving someone who doesn't entirely trust you is tough. Her doubts and resistance are going to happen. We are afraid to fully give our mind, heart and soul to you.
When we finally open up to you, we will love you unconditionally. If you are in it for the long run, it will be worth it. We trust you with everything we have, and we will give you 150 percent of our heart, mind and soul. You make us feel safe. We don't half-ass a relationship. We are in it for the real thing. We've seen someone fall apart, and we have seen heartbreak up front. We will take care of you and be the first to buy you DayQuil when you feel a cold coming on or be there to comfort you when you've had a bad day. It will not be easy loving someone with abandonment issues, but if you can, the relationship you two have will be the strongest. We need to know that we can count on you, and we will give you the same in return. Like I said, it may not be easy, but I promise you in the long run it will be worth it.
