When I was staying deep inside of the closet and afraid to come out about who I was, I never thought I would ever build the courage to be who I am. However, this article isn't about me but about an “us."
The LGBTQ+ community doesn't tend to like the bisexuals because of our stereotypes. I was finally able to come out as bisexual publicly because Julian gave me the courage that most people wouldn't have. He randomly dropped into my life when I was working at Disney. He helped me realize that I was in a situation that I needed to get out of. He became my first "girlfriend."
The more I got to know Julian the more I realized how truly complex he was as person. He did not come out as transgender (Gender Dysphoria) to me until close to a year of us dating, even though I had known since the day we met.
When we were “girlfriends” he would try to wear dresses and other traditional feminine clothing because he wanted to try to feel beautiful, but I knew that he was uncomfortable. He started off by wearing male undergarments and it just went from there. He loves wearing basketball shorts and male’s tanks and hates women’s clothing. He cut his hair to a shorter “surfer dude” cut but it wasn't enough.
We started researching different doctors in the area that specialized in H.R.T (Hormone Replacement Therapy) and gender therapy. Scheduling the appointment made him the happiest I had ever seen him. The true happiness had started and I was so happy for him. He started off with gender therapy, which involves talking to a specialist to see if he truly had Gender Dysphoria.
Gender Dysphoria is a mental illness in which the assigned biological gender does not match the mental gender of the person. Suicide is prevalent in untreated Gender Dysphoria patients and has claimed the lives of most teens and young adults who are not treated for their gender dysphoria.
After a couple months of therapy, Julian was ready to begin H.R.T. He went to the Endocrinologist at the medical practice where his gender therapist was located and started the process of getting testosterone. His first shot was amazing to watch because he was so excited that he had taken the first step to be who he really was. I am not a big fan of needles but I sat with him because that's what you do. You never leave your partner when he or she is doing something huge.
He continued to take his shot once a week in the thigh. What testosterone does is it basically caused him to go through a second phase of puberty, so all of the “out of wack” hormonal moods started. Imagine going through your teenage angst stage again and all the confusion that came with it. All he knew is that he was transforming into what he had wanted to be since he was little. He had gone to beaches and wanted to go shirtless and in shorts but he couldn’t because he was a girl.
Dating a trans man has its challenges sometimes because of all the bodily confusion. He didn't know himself well enough now that his body was changing again. We broke off our relationship twice because of his confusion among other reasons. We still lived together but weren't together. I stayed with him because I knew that he shouldn't be alone in this and it killed me because I loved him (and still do).
We worked it out but I knew it was still rocky because I was going through the changes with him, but as an audience member. He'll go through periods where his hormones will make him go from happy to depressed in a matter of seconds. It's like dating a teenager even though both are adults. Though, every relationship has it's challenges regardless if trans or not.
As I went further away, the more he realized that he wanted me to be his partner for the rest of his life. He fought for me tooth and nail until he truly picked up the pieces of my heart and made them whole again, all while still going through his transition and having “out of wack moods." One should never glorify what it means to transition--it's not a trend like buying the newest iPhone.
These people go through many trials and a lot of bullying because they can't be who they truly are. Imagine walking through life as someone who is forced into something but truly hates being that something.
The Transgender Community is going through the same thing. They are people who need help more than others along with a lot of love. I wouldn't trade my life for the world because I know that Julian is worth it. Life is a journey and it's all about finding who you are. Everyone will hurt and be happy sometimes but it truly is when you overcome something that will show who you truly are.
