Love is something we are all looking for at some point in our lives. Sometimes it comes easy, sometimes it’s hard to find. The problem is when we mistake love for something else. When we get attached to the feeling of having someone with us.
Attachment and love are two separate feelings, and it's important to realize the difference between them.
We confuse the two feelings because we mistake clinging onto someone as love. We see spending every day with someone as love, talking to someone every second as love, becoming one with someone as love.
However, that's not what love is.
Understanding genuine love is hard, especially when you are still young. We all rush into relationships because we don’t want to be alone anymore. We want to constantly have someone there for us when we need them.
Love is being in love with the person themselves, and you do not need to be with them in order to feel that way. Being attached to someone means you need to be with them all of the time in order to feel happy, but true love is something else.
All you want is their happiness, whether that is with you or not.
In past relationships, I’ve found myself clinging to them with the sense of attachment. I mistake this longing I have for a relationship for the longing of a person. I spend months on end with someone, to later find out that I am truly not in love with them but the idea of them. This feeling of attachment is not only unfair to you but unfair to the other person, as well.
Dating throughout high school and college has made me realize that the only way to really find love is when you love yourself. When you don’t rely on someone else. When you are confident in yourself, you will also be confident within your relationship. When we aren’t confident is when we find ourselves getting attached. We start relying on the other person for our own self-esteem. They become a part of ourselves, and when they leave, we feel a part of ourselves leave with them.
I had the fear that I would never find love for someone, and it took me years to realize that in order for me to do that, I had to love myself first. I had to be confident in myself in order to be able to be by myself. That way, when the right person comes along, I no longer feel the need to cling on to them because I am comfortable on my own as well. I would choose to be with them, not need to be. I would love them for who they are, and not what they could give me.
You do not need someone else's validation for your own self-worth and being in a relationship won't give you any more validation than what you can give yourself.
The love we give is only capable for the love we have for ourselves.
