When I was newly eighteen, I got rejected by a boy that I liked for two years and knew that every boy in my grade at my high school wouldn't date me because they thought I was ugly or because I was Black. Due to these two things, I felt as if I was ugly and had no hope of meeting a boyfriend the "normal" way, so, I downloaded Tinder just to see where it would take me, which was everywhere. However, after a long bit of writer's block and a talk with guys that I've met recently, one has approached me with the shocking fact that maybe dating apps such as Tinder give women a false sense of entitlement.
I know that I'm all for female empowerment to the point where it's been a common occurrence in my articles but for once, I have to say that my male friend and the experiences of my male friends are completely right--we do. And, after taking extremely retrospective at how I used Tinder, I can confidently say that I do, too.
Now, let's look at the facts. My amazing male friend who gave me the idea for this article also sent me an article by OkCupid co-founder Christian Rudder titled Your Looks and Your Inbox. The first big points mentioned in this article are about attractiveness in relation to how many inbox messages that you, as a user, receive. Rudder first touched on the male perspective before going onto the female one.
Chart formulated by Christian Rudder
According to men on OkCupid, a girl is as likely to be rated extremely ugly as they are likely to be rated extremely attractive, and most women that were rated medium, which is represented by the dotted line in the chart. The dotted line, according to Rudder, is the "unfiltered opinions of male users." However, the focus of this chart is the messaging patterns of men to the women they have previously rated. Sixty-six percent message the top thirty-three percent of women, meaning, if you're considered a 2.5 (medium) and above then you are most likely going to be messaged by a guy. Now, putting this into ratios, guys are fighting 2 to 1 for the best looking girls on the website.
So, let's apply this to myself and my experiences on Tinder.
A selfie taken from my old dating profileJada Middleton
This is a photo of me taken from my old dating profile. Now, I would say that I'd be considered within the 3 to 4 range of attractiveness according to the guys on OkCupid. However, when it comes to me on newer dating apps such as Tinder, I get a fair amount of matches from guys who are in and out of my league (whether they be too ugly or too "hot" to match with me). When it comes down to following through and messaging me, I would say about a good 75% of my matches message me first and then tried to keep the conversation going when they noticed I wasn't interested. Which, can correlate with the line graph.
On the other hand, women, myself included, are a bit harsher. Eighty percent of women rate guys as worse looking than medium (2.5 on Rudder's x-axis). However, when it comes down to messaging the guys, we become more lenient and message the people we find less attractive. But women absolutely refuse to message guys that are considered extremely attractive.
Chart formulated by Christian Rudder
When applied to me, I would say that my messaging habits are kind of skewed. On Tinder, I rarely message first unless I really want the guy to notice me or I personally think that my match is attainable. Going along with OkCupid women, if I match with a guy that is a 5 (most attractive), if I am feeling up the challenge, I will message first even though I am ignored half the time.
Moving back to the title of this article, we're talking about how websites and dating apps give women a false sense of entitlement. It's all in the numbers with this OkCupid article. Men are extremely gracious when it comes to rating us based on our looks and are a little bit, just a little bit more selective when it comes down to actually messaging us. Due to this, some of us girls, who are middle-tier and under, like myself, when it comes down to looks, feel as if we are a tad bit too good to shoot someone a message first. We place that burden on the guy because our egos are so inflated by the fact that all these guys that we personally find attractive matched us. Retrospectively when I rephrase my last sentence, women also gain more inflated egos by the fact that guys we personally find attractive and the ones we find not so attractive match us. So, we feel like they should do all the work and message us first because we may feel as if we are too good looking for them.
This is why apps, such as Bumble, are game-changers.
Bumble creators understand that it takes two to tango but they also realize that this is a new age. I think that they realize that us women are kind of entitled but also if we're screaming about gender equality (which we are, myself included) that it should put it to the test with Bumble, so that's why we have to message first. And, Bumble developers challenged women even further by forcing us to message first but in twenty-four hours.
They've capitalized on the fact that women like being chased but now, they're forcing us prey to now become predators.
This is good because it's a way not only to push women but also to help deflate the false sense of security that Tinder has given us and personally, I like it. It sets up more realistic expectations for when we are at a bar or a club and we're giving looks to a guy who is giving them back but won't approach us-- we can see if we're either going to sink or swim. It helps us with rejection. And, like it or not, we all sometimes need a reality check.
