I know. He’s a great guy.
He studies with you, buys you snow cones, plays with your little cousins, runs with you at the park and even gets along with your siblings.
But, is he good for you?
He may have everything right on paper, but he could be a hindrance to your growth as a person. I’ve dated guys who have taught me valuable lessons, while others brought distractions and pain into my life. My past experiences have taught me the importance of being with a person who encourages me in my weaknesses and challenges me in my strengths. I know what it’s like to be in awe of a guy who says and does the right things, but I believe the right guy is the one who not only appreciates me as I am but also finds joy in helping me grow as a person.
If I were to write a letter to my younger self, here is what I would say:
Dear Vicky,
I know he’s a great guy, and so is the one you’ll meet after high school. And the ones you’ll come across in college. But before you curl your hair and stare into all those pretty eyes, look at yourself in the eye and ask yourself, “Who do I want to be?”
From experience, I can tell you that you’ll become more and more like the friends with whom you associate yourself. You’ll learn something new from each of them, and you’ll have some hilarious memories. But, don’t forget who you are striving to become.
Soon, you’ll meet a guy who loves you for who you are right now, whether you’re smiling or completely stressed out. Yes, he will tell you how much he appreciates you, but he won’t let you live in a constant state of comfort. He will challenge you.
He will see your potential and he will push you, whether it be academically, spiritually, physically or financially.
Don’t stay with the guys who make zero effort to be with you. Don’t stay with the guys who woo you with compliments either.
Choose the guy who is genuine. He’ll make an effort because he wants to, and he’ll find a way to make you feel special, whether it be with words or actions.
Regardless of who you encounter, remember that a relationship is comprised of two individuals. You must be your own person, and he must be his own person. He can’t make you confident and he can’t make you happy constantly. Yes, he can make you smile, but you cannot depend on him to fuel your self-esteem.
You must be yourself. You must see your worth. You must be patient.
I know it’s difficult at times when you compare yourself to your friends who are already married or engaged—young and in love. Hang in there. You know God has a plan because he’s never failed. He’ll bring you the right one.
Until then, be yourself. I know you are naïve right now, but you’re about to learn many lessons that you can share with others.
It’s going to be okay.
Regardless of your age or relationship status, remember that you’re valuable. Don’t stay with the guy who makes you “feel” a certain way. Choose the one who is committed to you—to who you are now and to who you will become. He will be worth the wait.
