*Rape Trigger Warning*
To all the people who try and say that rape isn't a real issue, this one is for you.
Pause. I can't breathe, I can't breathe because his hands over my mouth and he is pressing down.
His hand, his body. It's all that I can feel, and I'm paralyzed. Paralyzed entirely, I can't breathe. I can't fucking breathe and I just needed someone to help me. But nobody did because before I knew it, my skirt was being pushed up and he was pushing in. Invading me, and I stopped fighting it. My hands just laid by my side and eventually his hand relinquished from my mouth and all I could smell was his breath. Cigarettes and...I didn't want this. I didn't want this to happen but there I was, laying lifelessly as he took what he wanted from me.
Pushing inside of me, grunting as pleasure was being received from his end. Didn't he care? Didn't he care that I was just a little girl and I didn't want this? Didn't he get that this is all I had to ever give to someone? He was inside and it felt like time was slowing down, it felt like every scrap of who I was being shattered as he pressed his lips to my ear and told me to tell him that I liked it and as I refused, he reached behind me and took hold of my hair, yanking it back hard as he gave a hard push. "I told you to tell me that you fucking like it."
He demanded, and I gave in. I told him that I liked it as tears ran down my cheeks. He laughed at me, he laughed at the tears and began kissing across my neck. He acted like this was romantic like this was something that I planned. He acted like he wasn't raping me. There was nothing romantic about this, about him stealing from me.
"Fuck, you know you like this, you know it's exactly what you want..." He whispered as something began running down my thigh, at first I thought it was my body reacting until I saw the coloring was red and sticky. It was blood, and I closed my eyes and tried my hardest to place myself anywhere but here. No matter what, I was now the girl who was raped. He'll never know, but that day he took so much more than my virginity. He took away my peace of mind, he took a piece of me and left me with self-hatred and the constant need to feel clean. Clean of what he had done.
