Is your cell phone like a dark mirror? Our oldest son is going into 7th grade, which means I'm just starting to experience the tip of the Social Media iceberg. I realize that middle school has never been an easy time, and every generation experiences a myriad of social challenges and problems, but I also see how smartphones are throwing gasoline on the already combustive dynamic.
While we attempt to help our oldest son navigate these treacherous social waters, our youngest, a girl going into second grade is still blissfully unaware of these social networks that quantify your value with the number of likes that your photos, videos, and posts get.
The other night I was reading a Harry Potter book to her, specifically a chapter about the mythical "Mirror of Erised," (desire, spelled backwards) which does not reflect your true likeness, but instead a reflection of what you wish you were. According to the book, many have gotten lost in this perilous mirror's reflection, losing themselves in the bewitching madness of the fantasy world found in the mirror.
Hmmm… The gears began turning in my head, and I started to think how our phones have become like this "mirror of desire," and how our own reflections become distorted. I thought that this metaphor deserved more consideration, but my primary goal was to finish the chapter and get all three of our kids to bed.
The analogy remained forgotten on the back burner until yesterday, when our 7th grader once again became a casualty of drama on social media. It turns out that a group chat had gotten ugly and resulted in a couple of the kids, including our son, being dropped from the group by one of his classmates.
We scrolled through the messages, and although nothing terrible was said, one of his "friends" called him, "annoying," in the message group, complete with an eye-roll emoji which inspired a second snarky comment from one of the kids in the group.
How much blame my son deserves in all this, I don't know. He had been participating in the group chat for months, and somewhere along the line may have unknowingly offended someone. I guess that's where I start to get disturbed, and even scared.
I mean, we've all heard about how bad phones are for kids brains and how it's making them anxious and depressed.
Our son is a great kid, and very sensitive. I should clarify that… in "reality" our son is sensitive and thoughtful, but his online persona is a bit different. Actually, I'd say that all the kids are different online where their interaction has more of a detached and impersonal feel. Their insecurity becomes arrogance and narcissism. Their unfiltered discourse feels defensive, sarcastic, and noticeably darker.
I notice a similar dynamic when they play video games, which have now adopted a significant social component. While playing Fortnite, our son and his friends scream at each other, hurling insults and barking commands, while their musclebound, heavily armed avatars try to kill (and then loot) strangers.
I started thinking about that mirror from Harry Potter again. As our kids gaze into this insidious mirror of social media, what distorted image is reflected back? What contorted reflection do others see of them on the other side?
Apps like Noom have shown that there is a strong psychological component to diseases like Type 2 Diabetes, so obviously we are internalizing this stuff!
Anyway, my son left his phone on the counter today, and I picked it up, looking at the spiderweb of cracks across the screen. Then, I noticed my reflection. It was dark, and even sinister looking. The cracks through the screen enhanced my already menacing likeness.
Then, I started doing some reflection of my own. Have our phones become dark mirrors? Mirrors that feed our desires while reflecting back a darker, grotesque version of ourselves?
Try it yourself. Turn off your phone, and then look at yourself in the dark glass. Like the magical mirror in Harry Potter, maybe we all risk getting lost, or even go mad in its reflection.
